Outside again

Finally the weather looks as though it'll come around and play nicely at last and we've been able to spend a bit more time outside re-stocking our vitamin D reserves. I also got another good bunch of photos of Logan as he played. Lately he has been more camera-shy (aka annoyed at the incessant snapping of pictures) but we played a new game of "don't shoot the camera" which he enjoyed thoroughly. Thankfully the little toy he was shooting couldn't knock a feather down so there was no harm possible. Some of these are blurry but I love his expressions and am going to put them all up no matter the quality.

Hyacinth

James picked up a couple potted bulbs this past week and they've certainly gone a long way to brighten up our living room. The hyacinth, in particular, is also contributing quite a bit of fragrance. I can't wait until the flowers start coming up outside too!

teething and train-ing

Walter's about four-and-a-half months old now. I can't believe how quickly the time is flying. He is still quite large for his age but he's never been flabby-chunky - just solid-chunky - and he's always been pretty active and strong. I put him in the jolly-jumper the other day and he loved it. At this point he's more interested in the fact that he is held upright and can wiggle than any coordinated effort at bouncing but he's getting there. I noticed that he likes waving one arm to rock himself in his little bouncy chair. He still sucks his thumb fairly regularly but not to a worrying extent. It's cute and sometimes helps him to calm himself so I can't say I am against it! Also he's been showing a lot of signs of teething for a while now so we'll see how quickly he gets his first teeth. He has been interested in watching us eat and has quite frequently looked as though he wanted to participate. I'm sure I could start him on solids any time now but I feel as though he's getting quite adequate nutrition already and why go bother getting more food ready earlier than I have to when it's simpler as it is. I did let him take a few sips of (boiled) water from a cup the other day and he loved it! Most dribbled down his chin but I'm more interested in his enjoying the process than worried about adequate fluids. He's great at hand-to-mouth coordination and tried to hold the glass himself but that'll come with time! Logan's doing really well with talking. He's not quite at the point of chatting away but at home he talks quite a bit and can communicate most of what he wishes to say so I'm pretty happy that we've got this far. He's also doing extremely well with the potty. He only wears diapers to bed these days (and for the past three nights he's been dry in the morning but I'm not going to push things). He's been really great at letting me know when he needs to go when we're out places (although it meant we missed the Eulogy at Nana's funeral). For a couple weeks around Nana's passing there were a few problems with accidents and also some bumps in the bedtime routine but we're basically back to normal now. We got a second-hand wooden train-set just over a week ago and it has been a great toy! I unwittingly started a tradition when, one of the first times we were playing it together, we got to the end of part of the track with the train and I said "Wait a second! Where's the track?". So now when Logan wishes me to assemble track or play with him he puts one piece down and says, "Wait a second!" and looks at me. The phrase is also repeated from time to time as we're playing and he thinks it's just as hilarious the last as the first time!

baby photo dump

I know I put a lot of pictures up here but this is less than half of the ones I had taken that day. It's so hard to chose which ones to leave out. Okay, getting tired: that's enough for now...

facebook envy

A friend of mine posted this article on facebook: Stop Instagramming Your Perfect Life. I found it to be a well-presented argument for using technology to connect rather than compare ourselves with others. I have heard of facebook envy before (although I can't really say I've felt it, thankfully) and I have considered posting fewer pictures of my boys in case they be a cause of such envy. But I get so much positive feedback (quite a bit in real conversations rather than simply 'likes' or comments) that I think the joy they bring more than compensates for the potential for someone to feel envious. I also feel that my friends are more inclined to be happy that someone else is happy than to envy that happiness. I do try to edit out the dirty dishes or messy floors from my pictures but I hope that it has more to do with the aesthetic of the photo than with a desire to hide the not-so-fun part of life from anyone to see. I believe and hope that I am honest and open enough with those I love that there is no room for the distance and disconnect that surely is required for envy. All that being said I am planning on another photo-dump post of my beautiful baby. I was able to get some great pictures in natural light (YAY!) this morning. Please don't envy me but enter into my joy in beauty for beauty's sake. My life is far from perfect but I hope that my photography and posts help illustrate that joy can exist even in a dirty, cramped, light-less, small, basement apartment when love lives there. Okay, that last bit sounded corny but I'll leave it in just because.

complex grief

It's been a tough week but over all a good one, I think. For some reason because she wasn't my biological grandmother and I only knew her the past few years I somehow get the feeling at times that I don't have the right to grieve fully. However, as much as it would have been nice to have known her longer, I am grieving for the reasons that I am grieving and it has no relational ranking to others who may also be grieving. But it still makes me feel slightly guilty that when James got off the phone and told me the news of her passing, I was the one who cried and he had to comfort me rather than deal with his own emotions. It's strange also how complicated the grieving process and triggers can be. I grieve because of Margaret herself and our relationship; for her relationship with James and her relationship with my boys because of my relationship with them; I grieve in a different way for the grief of those I love who loved her. Then there are triggers that remind me of the loss of my Grandma three years ago and all the emotions surrounding that time. But human life and relationships are so incredibly complex that I should not be surprised that the emotions surrounding a death are not also incredibly complex. Anyway here are a few pictures of my boys. She would have loved to have seen them (both the pictures and the boys) but anyway.

Nana

Happy Easter! It may be hard to be happy this Easter, however, because we got the call last night that my husband's grandmother had passed away. She was the last of our son's great-grandparents and the only one living while they were. My Grandma died a few months before Logan was born and was the only other of the great-grandparents even close to being around to see them. I was quite close with my Grandma and grew fairly close to James' in these past few years that I had known her. We would take the boys for a visit at least once - usually twice - a week and always enjoyed it. I am so happy that we were able to spend time with her these last few years. I don't know if Logan will have definite memories of her and I know Walter won't but family is so important and I believe that even if Logan has no clear memory to take away from our visits, I hope that they help instill a good grounding of love and duty for family. I also believe that my boys were helpful in brightening up her day whenever they were there. Nana's mind was just as sharp the last time we saw her as the first even though her body was rapidly deteriorating around it. She had been in and out (mostly in) the hospital for several months now with various complications and complications of complications. It's often the way but she eventually passed in her sleep and, I believe, as comfortably as possible. We all knew it was coming but it still is a shock. I don't know of any way death could come that wouldn't be. We had been planning on visiting her again today but won't be able to. I think, though, it was good that at our last visit we didn't know it would be our last one. I think, too, for Logan that if we had seen her when she was on oxygen and barely able to talk it would be hard to understand/explain and a frightening thing more than a positive visit. Or perhaps he would understand far too much - which could also be a problem. The last couple times we went he didn't want to give her a hug goodbye because she was 'sick'. I don't know where this strange fear came from or what he was really thinking about it but it makes me wonder how much he actually knew. Anyway she will be much missed but I am so very thankful that we were able to spend that time with her.

At least you don't have to shovel it...

But you certainly can!

the boys

I was going to write something to go with this picture but my boy is now awake so I'm going to interact with him for a while instead...

Various pictures

I've mentioned previously how I don't want to flood my fb with repetitive pictures of the boys so here are some that I want to post but will only impose on the very few that stop by to read this rather than clogging the newsfeeds of my hoards of friends on fb.

Cats

As I sit here I feel a prickling behind my eyes. It grows and intensifies and they start to fill up. No, I am not about to cry - it's allergies. I never had allergies before and am not too happy to have started them now. They first arrived with little Walter for some reason and, although they have lessened in intensity in the few months since they began (I no longer attempt to gouge my eyes out with a grapefruit spoon at every opportunity and now only consider it from time to time), I have a feeling they are here to stay. Hmm. Yet another reason to dislike having my husband's cats around. Score one more for my Mom's rules during my childhood. Now I know why there were no (shedding) pets allowed in the house. Except now that my brother has (temporarily) moved back into Mom's, his dog has moved in with him. The thought of my mother growing softer while I start to emulate her previous strictness is somewhat disconcerting. Maybe I shouldn't think about it too much...

Chunky Monkey

In a monkey suit...

Faces

My crazy kid at times enjoys taping himself with my webcam. The following video is the result of one session. Audio is optional for this one because the only thing audible is James and myself in the background discussing various things we've explained to Logan and whether or not they were warranted at his age... Riveting, I know! Recently I have neglected writing here because I have started a twitter and have been exploring (I think the word is trolling or something?) some of the other social media sites available these days (and probably for the last eon, but only recently in my universe). I originally had decided against having anything to do with twitter but recently having been exposed to it I decided that maybe it was a good exercise for me to try to make interesting statements with a limited word count. I think it's today's equivalent of the heroic couplet. Or something. I would totally follow Alexander Pope on twitter. Also crazy that I had to go back and add Pope's christian name to clarify that I wasn't referring to the Catholic Pope. Also it's nice that I only have a few friends on it and so most of my tweets are written for an abstract idea of an audience. Anyway I know it's a good practice for me because there hasn't been a tweet I've written that I haven't wanted to go over the word-limit and had to work to reduce the wordiness or re-think the content. No one wants to have the verbal runs if one can help it, right? Well maybe back when one was paid per word but that's a whole other kettle of fish.