the eye

Even though this is regularly a transitional part of the year for me, the transitions this year seem to have affected me more than usual. Perhaps it has hit me harder because this time it is the people and things around me that seem to be changing more than me. I am not graduating, I am not moving from the routine of studies to the routine of summer, I am not moving anywhere; yet on every side, my community and friends are swirling madly while I stand in the centre, hoping for things to settle soon. It is a strange vantage point and I believe I am beginning to understand (or at least come to acknowledge) part of the sorrows a mother experiences as she is less and less able to accompany her children through all the changes of live.

People in general believe themselves to be the hero of their own stories until life comes along and--bit by bit--shaves away their pride and shows them their proper places. Perhaps there are some who play main roles but I am finding, more and more that my place is likely in the chorus. I've been reading a couple books lately in which the idea of the importance of the main character is discussed. In both it becomes evident (and, interestingly--along the lines of self-awareness and all that jazz--is fairly blatantly claimed) that the point of the book is not an exploration of the central character but of the extraordinary events that occur around him. It is true that in many cases narrators are utilized not for any outstanding merit or talents within them but rather for their being at the right place and time to observe events. This device is common and doesn't topple our idea of the importance of the central character unless it comes out that this narrator is the central character and is still of no importance. It is a fascinating possibility. I am not saying by this that I consider my life to be of no importance but rather that my importance more and more does not seem to lie in playing the central starring role. I think I'm getting better at appreciating that. In the mean time I suppose I shall just have to try to help my friends as best I can while they go through their various and sundry transitions. I'm thankful I have this opportunity.

dry skin

(from a garlic clove)

further studies

After going through a time when my future was--for the most part--up in the air, I have finally heard that I am accepted at Carleton to do my MA in English lit. It's a little strange because I tend to set my expectations low in order either not to be disappointed or to be pleasantly surprised but this time I had really convinced myself that it wasn't going to work out. It was good to have gone that far because I meant that I started looking at other options but it made finding out a huge surprise and readjustment of thinking of the future. This whole situation also makes my summer plans easier so hopefully they shall fall into place more readily now that I know something for certain.

Life is funny. Last night I was telling someone of my lack of plans for the future at the same time that the acceptance e-mail was sitting in my junk folder (yes, Yahoo doesn't seem to think it important enough to send to my inbox). It gives a different perspective on life and our expectations of what we know of the future and how things actually will work.

abuckabook

The other night I went out to pick up a few groceries for the College and 'happened' to stop at the one-dollar book table outside the bookstore conveniently located across the intersection from the grocery store. Four dollars and four books later, I went for groceries.

Today a few of us went on an adventure across town in search of one-dollar books and I came back with a sufficiently larger pile (to make up for the greater inconvenience of bussing out to Nepean and back).

Does anyone have a one-dollar bookshelf that I can have on which to store these books? I'm running out of room.

watch the flowers grow

We're having another bout of beautiful weather and yesterday morning I was able to clean up the back yard (I cleaned the front last Friday) and edge all the beds, prune/trim some of the trees and bushes and generally make the place a bit more spiffy all-round. The tulips, daffodills and crocuses are all popping up and look as though they will be blooming soon.

I can't tell you how delighted I was to be able to do yard work again! It made me think that perhaps landscaping should be more than just a stepping-stone to better things... Anyway, one consolation is that no matter what job I end up with whenever I get around to growing up, I should always be able to garden at least on the side.

Patience

I'm off in a bit to an interview with the govt. It will be strange because I know I won't hear anything more for ages (that is, providing it goes well). This whole process began in October and I feel as though I'm no more than halfway through the steps it takes. I have a theory that the actual test for whether or not someone is suitable for the job is not the interviews themselves but rather the wait between times; if one is able patiently to endure the extreme lag and stick with things, then one might be able to function within the governemental system.
Well I have nothing to lose by waiting so we'll see if my theory holds.

Simply Good

It's April

One of the ways we celebrated this foolish day.