list of laughs

Having finished most of the hard part of the term (and on time too!) I find humour to be a fitting subject for a post. Yes, I took this from an e-mail but some forwards can be humourous. Enjoy!

-A lone amateur built the Ark; a large group of professionals built the Titanic.
-There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
-You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
-Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
-Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
-Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
-If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
-For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
-My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
-Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
-Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.
-Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
-A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.