Forgive and Forget

It's funny how memory works differently for different people. I had someone tell me today that he has a really tough time forgetting injustices or wrongs or even irritations that he has experienced and that these things take up a lot of energy and he would like to be rid of them but they stick around for years. I listened and tried to sympathise but could not understand as fully as I wished in order to enter into the feeling and help bear it. I have felt injustice in the past and there are a few painful moments in my life that still pop up every once in a while in my memory but for the most part I tend to forget much of the pain in the past and simply retain a general picture of happiness. I believe most people tend towards this pattern of memory retention. But I wonder which extreme is better? Or can one be said to be better than the other in this case? I believe my way of enjoying and living in the moment bearing mostly happy memories feeds into my joy and makes me enjoy life even more. It also seems to line up with the wisdom in the adage 'forgive and forget'. But while thinking these happy thoughts about my happy state to myself I suddenly wondered whether I truly, in cases of interpersonal conflict etc, did forgive the other person before I forgot about how they had 'wronged' me. Or maybe I just forgot so I didn't have to forgive. "Oh, don't worry about it" or "forget about it" are things I often say when someone asks forgiveness and I truly mean that I am not holding on to a grudge or the pain but is this really enough? I am not one to put much stake in a formula. I don't think that saying the words "I forgive you" means anything more than other words or actions to express the same forgiving heart. I also try to avoid the pitfall of letting the words mask a contrary heart. But maybe by avoiding the cliché I have also thrown the baby out. Maybe I am not putting in the effort needed truly to forgive someone (even when they themselves ask me to!) but rather avoiding the whole interaction by masking it with other words. I really do think that I tend to forget so that I do not have to forgive but there is much wisdom in the wording of that phrase. Only once forgiveness has taken place is it safe to forget. I'm going to try to remember this.