"How could you do that?" "There's no reason to act that way!" "Just calm down and try again." These and other words to a similar tune are more than just occasionally popping into my running dialogue with my two-year-old these days. He, understandably, gets frustrated on a fairly frequent basis and I must say is usually good at trying to act well as we try to give him the tools he needs to respond to frustrating circumstances. He may be good for a two-year-old but he's still a two-year-old. And struggling to put one's own boots on is the toddler's daily battle just as struggling to keep the household running is the parent's.
It may seem easy for an adult to control her overt emotions past the point that a toddler can but saying something along the lines of "there's no reason to act like that" doesn't help and is putting on blinders to reality. There certainly is a reason that a toddler is acting one way or another. In some ways this is one of the times in life when acting out is most easily explained. Not to ignore the idea of original sin's place in misbehaviour, but I shall only attempt to deal with the outer factors here to hold my focus. Often, in our household, the variables that add up to my child's meltdown are more in my control than my toddler's. Has he had enough sleep? Has he eaten recently/properly? Have I asked him to push his comfort zone with meeting a lot of strangers in an unknown place? Have I kept him going from one place/event to another several days in a row? (Ha! These last two make me sound like a socialite). But most importantly in my experience is: how have I been acting? Not only does my boy model my speech and behaviour, he also is quite sensitive to moods and actions that I unconsciously display every day. As I exasperatedly raise my voice to tell him to calm down, my words echo back at me. Yes, dealing with a toddler's frustrated response to his frustrations is one of the most frustrating things I've ever experienced but I am the adult in the situation. I am supposed to have perspective, faith, experience, a sense of humor, self-control, and a time-strengthened character to help with holding my cool. Then one day I find myself yelling. How could I do that? There is no justification to act that way. But as I realize this I know that, calming down, I can try again...and again, and again...
And the character-building continues.
It may seem easy for an adult to control her overt emotions past the point that a toddler can but saying something along the lines of "there's no reason to act like that" doesn't help and is putting on blinders to reality. There certainly is a reason that a toddler is acting one way or another. In some ways this is one of the times in life when acting out is most easily explained. Not to ignore the idea of original sin's place in misbehaviour, but I shall only attempt to deal with the outer factors here to hold my focus. Often, in our household, the variables that add up to my child's meltdown are more in my control than my toddler's. Has he had enough sleep? Has he eaten recently/properly? Have I asked him to push his comfort zone with meeting a lot of strangers in an unknown place? Have I kept him going from one place/event to another several days in a row? (Ha! These last two make me sound like a socialite). But most importantly in my experience is: how have I been acting? Not only does my boy model my speech and behaviour, he also is quite sensitive to moods and actions that I unconsciously display every day. As I exasperatedly raise my voice to tell him to calm down, my words echo back at me. Yes, dealing with a toddler's frustrated response to his frustrations is one of the most frustrating things I've ever experienced but I am the adult in the situation. I am supposed to have perspective, faith, experience, a sense of humor, self-control, and a time-strengthened character to help with holding my cool. Then one day I find myself yelling. How could I do that? There is no justification to act that way. But as I realize this I know that, calming down, I can try again...and again, and again... 
And the character-building continues.
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