"Logan do it!"

If I had a quarter for every time I heard that I'd be set for change. We've started a stage of broader independence these past few days. I also hear, less frequently, "Logan's turn". I've always tried to be fairly hands-off as he develops and only help to help, rather than to do it for him but apparently even my little helpfulness is a little too much sometimes! It's neat to see him developing. I found he's made several leaps ahead at the park in particular. I think this jump in development is intensified by the fact that we've only just begun to play at the park again after a winter's hiatus. So what he was able to do four to six months ago suddenly is outstripped. Some new accomplishments he thought to try himself but I also notice him watching older children and then attempting to do what they can do. Often he can do it and afterwards his grin of triumph seems to light up the whole park (at least from my seat in the stands). I know it's part of growing up but it's a little bittersweet to see how he is imitating his peers more and seems no longer to need me. But then I watch as he tries to climb the ladder to the slide. He slips but doesn't cry. Thinking no one notices, he continues and reaching the top he tremblingly calls for me. I'm already there and my presence gives him the confidence to go down the big slide. He never cried from his fall and I don't mention it but we have a big long squishy hug once he's down and he's restored to confidence once again as he re-ascends the ladder. So I turn to take pictures of my baby in the swing for the first time...

Outside again

Finally the weather looks as though it'll come around and play nicely at last and we've been able to spend a bit more time outside re-stocking our vitamin D reserves. I also got another good bunch of photos of Logan as he played. Lately he has been more camera-shy (aka annoyed at the incessant snapping of pictures) but we played a new game of "don't shoot the camera" which he enjoyed thoroughly. Thankfully the little toy he was shooting couldn't knock a feather down so there was no harm possible. Some of these are blurry but I love his expressions and am going to put them all up no matter the quality.

Hyacinth

James picked up a couple potted bulbs this past week and they've certainly gone a long way to brighten up our living room. The hyacinth, in particular, is also contributing quite a bit of fragrance. I can't wait until the flowers start coming up outside too!

teething and train-ing

Walter's about four-and-a-half months old now. I can't believe how quickly the time is flying. He is still quite large for his age but he's never been flabby-chunky - just solid-chunky - and he's always been pretty active and strong. I put him in the jolly-jumper the other day and he loved it. At this point he's more interested in the fact that he is held upright and can wiggle than any coordinated effort at bouncing but he's getting there. I noticed that he likes waving one arm to rock himself in his little bouncy chair. He still sucks his thumb fairly regularly but not to a worrying extent. It's cute and sometimes helps him to calm himself so I can't say I am against it! Also he's been showing a lot of signs of teething for a while now so we'll see how quickly he gets his first teeth. He has been interested in watching us eat and has quite frequently looked as though he wanted to participate. I'm sure I could start him on solids any time now but I feel as though he's getting quite adequate nutrition already and why go bother getting more food ready earlier than I have to when it's simpler as it is. I did let him take a few sips of (boiled) water from a cup the other day and he loved it! Most dribbled down his chin but I'm more interested in his enjoying the process than worried about adequate fluids. He's great at hand-to-mouth coordination and tried to hold the glass himself but that'll come with time! Logan's doing really well with talking. He's not quite at the point of chatting away but at home he talks quite a bit and can communicate most of what he wishes to say so I'm pretty happy that we've got this far. He's also doing extremely well with the potty. He only wears diapers to bed these days (and for the past three nights he's been dry in the morning but I'm not going to push things). He's been really great at letting me know when he needs to go when we're out places (although it meant we missed the Eulogy at Nana's funeral). For a couple weeks around Nana's passing there were a few problems with accidents and also some bumps in the bedtime routine but we're basically back to normal now. We got a second-hand wooden train-set just over a week ago and it has been a great toy! I unwittingly started a tradition when, one of the first times we were playing it together, we got to the end of part of the track with the train and I said "Wait a second! Where's the track?". So now when Logan wishes me to assemble track or play with him he puts one piece down and says, "Wait a second!" and looks at me. The phrase is also repeated from time to time as we're playing and he thinks it's just as hilarious the last as the first time!

baby photo dump

I know I put a lot of pictures up here but this is less than half of the ones I had taken that day. It's so hard to chose which ones to leave out. Okay, getting tired: that's enough for now...

facebook envy

A friend of mine posted this article on facebook: Stop Instagramming Your Perfect Life. I found it to be a well-presented argument for using technology to connect rather than compare ourselves with others. I have heard of facebook envy before (although I can't really say I've felt it, thankfully) and I have considered posting fewer pictures of my boys in case they be a cause of such envy. But I get so much positive feedback (quite a bit in real conversations rather than simply 'likes' or comments) that I think the joy they bring more than compensates for the potential for someone to feel envious. I also feel that my friends are more inclined to be happy that someone else is happy than to envy that happiness. I do try to edit out the dirty dishes or messy floors from my pictures but I hope that it has more to do with the aesthetic of the photo than with a desire to hide the not-so-fun part of life from anyone to see. I believe and hope that I am honest and open enough with those I love that there is no room for the distance and disconnect that surely is required for envy. All that being said I am planning on another photo-dump post of my beautiful baby. I was able to get some great pictures in natural light (YAY!) this morning. Please don't envy me but enter into my joy in beauty for beauty's sake. My life is far from perfect but I hope that my photography and posts help illustrate that joy can exist even in a dirty, cramped, light-less, small, basement apartment when love lives there. Okay, that last bit sounded corny but I'll leave it in just because.

complex grief

It's been a tough week but over all a good one, I think. For some reason because she wasn't my biological grandmother and I only knew her the past few years I somehow get the feeling at times that I don't have the right to grieve fully. However, as much as it would have been nice to have known her longer, I am grieving for the reasons that I am grieving and it has no relational ranking to others who may also be grieving. But it still makes me feel slightly guilty that when James got off the phone and told me the news of her passing, I was the one who cried and he had to comfort me rather than deal with his own emotions. It's strange also how complicated the grieving process and triggers can be. I grieve because of Margaret herself and our relationship; for her relationship with James and her relationship with my boys because of my relationship with them; I grieve in a different way for the grief of those I love who loved her. Then there are triggers that remind me of the loss of my Grandma three years ago and all the emotions surrounding that time. But human life and relationships are so incredibly complex that I should not be surprised that the emotions surrounding a death are not also incredibly complex. Anyway here are a few pictures of my boys. She would have loved to have seen them (both the pictures and the boys) but anyway.