complex grief

It's been a tough week but over all a good one, I think. For some reason because she wasn't my biological grandmother and I only knew her the past few years I somehow get the feeling at times that I don't have the right to grieve fully. However, as much as it would have been nice to have known her longer, I am grieving for the reasons that I am grieving and it has no relational ranking to others who may also be grieving. But it still makes me feel slightly guilty that when James got off the phone and told me the news of her passing, I was the one who cried and he had to comfort me rather than deal with his own emotions. It's strange also how complicated the grieving process and triggers can be. I grieve because of Margaret herself and our relationship; for her relationship with James and her relationship with my boys because of my relationship with them; I grieve in a different way for the grief of those I love who loved her. Then there are triggers that remind me of the loss of my Grandma three years ago and all the emotions surrounding that time. But human life and relationships are so incredibly complex that I should not be surprised that the emotions surrounding a death are not also incredibly complex. Anyway here are a few pictures of my boys. She would have loved to have seen them (both the pictures and the boys) but anyway.