Stuart's poem

I stole this poem from my brother's blog because I like it and want to share it (and because I know he never reads my blog so will never know I took it...). Finding poetry difficult to write (except for silly stuff) I am even more impressed with the form and content of this.

Slowly
Go slowly, O knight, for beyond thy road
Lie deep shrouded shadows, yet to unfold
Like midnight's dark hour, when all we hold
Not silver of daylight, but hard and cold

Go slowly, O knight, take care lest thou fall
When fate's light shines dimly, or not at all
The higher thou climbest, the harder to crawl
When all is forgotten, stand on and stand tall

Go slowly, O knight, tread with great care
For all you've forsaken will be with thee there
Though deeds of thy glory may darkness repair
Naught that thou dost hides thee from despair

Go slowly, O knight, through tears and thorn
Whever thou goest, thou hearest the horn
They call thee to war, desolation forlorn
Ne'er to rest but fight through 'till the morn

Go slowly, O knight, take with thee thy fame
Whose eye is keen, yet still better his aim
Live your life now; know the end of this game
Giver of hope, know naught of great shame

Go slowly, O knight, great lance in thy hand
With thy sword bring good from evil demand
Though all else fail, yet surely thou must stand
Fight on to the end, fight on for thy land.
-S.J.P.

snow and tulips

After being spoiled for a couple weeks with my idea of perfect winter weather we are being hit (note the elegant use of the passive progressive) by a snowstorm. I didn't realize how I was looking forward to spring until this setback.

But it really won't be that long until spring really arrives (it just seems that way) so to cheer us up, here's a photo of some tulips given to my Grandma on Valentine's Day. Hopefully they are able to help tide us over until the tulips outside wake up and bloom.

pointy pokes

As the day approaches for the beginning of the missions trip, I have had several people ask me if I'm worried about raising enough money in time. The question was unexpected at first (now I'm accustomed to answering it) but I have answered every time in the negative (explaining why I'm not) and gone on to other aspects of the issue at hand.

I don't think that I have picked up any of that worry simply by the suggestion in their questions. I honestly believe that I have no anxiety about that aspect (didn't think that was an area that required work) and yet God, in His providence, sent me two specific passages in the Bible in my devotion schedule today that apply comfort to this issue (especially when the passages are considered together). It was such an awesome feeling to realize how directly He spoke to me and my situation today, yet I know that He always speaks through His word.

The reality is, that it took a very pointed poke for me to wake up and listen. Yes, Leviticus can be tedious at times but

All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: -II Timothy 3:16

and I need to start living out that truth. I need to be reminded that the Bible is God's words! That truth is one that has become so close to me that I have lost sight of it.
I truly enjoy my time of devotions (a step forward from those years when I first started to implement them and struggled along with my 'this is my duty' attitude, but that's another line of thought) but there was a time (not that long ago) when every word was a comfort and became precious to me. I was much closer to the picture of the hart in Psalm 42 then. Since finding the brooks I suppose you could say I have slaked that immediate need and find myself wandering again.

So perhaps my main lesson from these two passages is not so much to help my anxiety over money matters but to remind me that I need to listen if I am to grow at all in my relationship with Him (communication is key in all relationships; earthly and heavenly!).

I suppose after all that I should share the two passages (or the few verses in each passage) that jumped out at me today. The first was Leviticus 25:20-22:

And if ye shall say, What shall we eat the seventh year? behold, we shall not sow, nor gather in our increase: Then I will command my blessing upon you in the sixth year, and it shall bring forth fruit for three years. And ye shall sow the eighth year, and eat yet of old fruit until the ninth year; until her fruits come in ye shall eat of the old store.

I suppose I should provide some background and context (this is going to take longer than I thought!): In the passage the rules for the observation of the jubilee year are being set out and God is anticipating their worries and obstacles by telling them that He is providing enough ahead of time to cover all their needs. The background of my situation is that I am observing this year as a partial jubilee year (my exact reasons for this are even more extensive so I shall leave them out) and the missions trip is part of how I am applying the jubilee idea to my life. I have expenses but the Lord has so blessed me that I have no immediate need of money and even a surplus (that I had planned on using for such a trip as this).

The other portion of the passage is Mark 10:24-27:

And the disciples were astonished at his words. But Jesus answereth again, and saith unto them, Children, how hard is it for them that trust in riches to enter into the kingdom of God! It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God. And they were astonished out of measure, saying among themselves, Who then can be saved? And Jesus looking upon them saith, With men it is impossible, but not with God: for with God all things are possible.

What jumped out were the first and last verses. Even though I am not worried about the money situation, is that because I trust God to provide (actually it's closer to God having already provided) or because I can see the figure in my bank account? Am I truly asking God to sustain me through everything or am I simply giving Him lip service as I look to more tangible supports?

Anyway those are just a few of the avenues of interest that I found in comparing these passages to my situation. God is so amazing! His word is power and His timing is perfect! Praise His name!

Small infinities

Pausing in my walk, I was able to watch this leaf slowly drift down from the branch above and wedge itself in the snow. God's creation is so infinitely beautiful.


To see a world in a grain of sand
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand
And eternity in an hour.
-William Blake

thesisless

I have a few minutes here before I have to sign off to head to class so I thought I should write something even though I spent a bit of time lastnight writing approximatly 5,000 words... well, actually I don't know the real total since those words are only the ones I deemed saveable. It was probably closer to twice than before revision and deletion took their toll.
But I must admit, putting the words down is not the hard part of essays. The hard part has more to do with the necessity of their making sense. That is why this blog is so much easier and I don't mind writing on it despite my present brain-fatigue: I don't have to make sense on here. I don't have to wonder if my thesis is clear throughout. I don't even have to have a thesis! I can write "don't", I can write run-on sentences, I'm free!
Highlighting my freedom from essayic restraint (not as bad as pharisaic restrain, however) this post is here, a beacon; a lighthouse of insanity in a normally regulated world. Sometimes ya just gotta have fun.

pictured at last

In celebration of:
living in the best country in the world
living where winter is a part of life
living in the best city in the world
living where the canal is easily accessible
having a warm coat to enable me to enjoy the above
having good friends to enjoy things with
looking forward to a relaxing and fun-filled week
having a camera to record aspects of all the above...

here is a picture from yesterday's fun (although really cold) skating time on the canal!

our decorating today

On a nesting note, some more advice from the AW'sEHD. I think the reason I enjoy this book so much is that I find her thoughts to be both practical and quaintly expressed (I like her use of quotations, too).

Order can be taught a child if he is early given 'a place for everything' and shown how to put 'everything in its place'...follow his development step by step, guiding his taste but recognizing it as his own. Let him have some of his 'treasures' around, just as you have yours.

Our decorating today may be inspired by a tradition of the past; but we are interpreting it to suit our own sweet will and today's manner of living.

Choice of pictures is very important. Their function is to please the eye in colour and stimulate the imagination by the subject portrayed.

Sometimes we receive gifts that, though delightful in themselves, do not fit into our decorating schemes. We must then use discretion.

(this is where re-gifting comes in...)

pride and praise

Although I know that there are times when it is important for other people to evaluate my character without having had the opportunity to meet me or get to know me at all, I still find it hard to fill out forms about my strengths and skills. As with a resume, I feel as though I am being forced to toot my own horn. I start to wonder if I really am a 'good listener' or a 'team player' or if that's just something I'm saying because I like myself but that they'll find out to be a gross exaggeration when it comes down to it. Let's face it, most people have a fairly high opinion and biased view of themselves. Of course my modesty in this could merely stem from a desire not to disappoint. I am a cautious person and take to heart the advice not to place oneself too high only to be brought down (rather, enjoying the occasional times of sitting too low and being brought up). Perhaps in letting another man praise me my motives are merely to hear my praise from someone else. Not so good. Also, most of the good traits that I posses (I admit I have some) are ones that deal with the external facade and really has nothing to do with the heart. Of course I suppose that all means of evaluation available to man are fallible in this way since only God can look into our hearts. That thought can be both unsettling and comforting. I think I shall choose to think of it as comforting!

The Heart

There were so many things I could write (or quote from someone else) on Valentine's Day that I almost didn't write anything but I thought I should do something to mark the date.
I was at Augustine for Restless Hearts last night and thoughts on that theme and some of the material presented there have inspired this post.

"The Heart Knoweth its own Bitterness"*
When all the over-work of life
Is finished once, and fast asleep
We swerve no more beneath the knife
But taste that silence cool and deep;
Forgetful of the highways rough,
Forgetful of the thorny scourge,
Forgetful of the tossing surge,
Then shall we find it is enough?

How can we say 'enough' on earth--
'Enough' with such a craving heart?
I have not found it since my birth,
But still have bartered part for part.
I have not held and hugged the whole,
But paid the old to gain the new;
Much have I paid, yet much is due,
Till I am beggared sense and soul.

I used to labour, used to strive
For pleasure with a restless will:
Now if I save my soul alive
All else what matters, good or ill?
I used to dream alone, to plan
Unspoken hopes and days to come:--
Of all my past this is the sum:
I will not lean on child of man.

To give, to give, not to recieve!
I long to pour myself, my soul,
Not to keep back or count or leave,
But king with king to give the whole.
I long for one to stir my deep--
I have had enough of help and gift--
I long for one to search and sift
Myself, to take myself and keep.

You scratch my surface with your pin;
You stroke me smooth with hushing breath;--
Nay pierce, nay probe, nay dig within,
Probe my quick core and sound my depth.
You call me with a puny call,
You talk, you smile, you nothing do:
How should I spend my heart on you,
My heart that so outweighs you all?

Your vessels are by much too strait:
Were I to pour, you could not hold.--
Bear with me: I must bear to wait,
A fountain sealed through heat and cold.
Bear with me days or months or years:
Deep must call deep until the end
When friend shall no more envy friend
Nor vex his friend at unawares.

Not in this world of hope deferred,
This world of perishable stuff;--
Eye hath not seen nor ear hath heard
Nor heart concieved that full 'enough':
Here moans the separating sea,
Here harvests fail, here breaks the heart;
There God shall join and no man part,
I full of Christ and Christ of me.
-Christina Rossetti

It is not your average love poem but I really appreciate the sentiments expressed; the way that the poem shows how after everything, the only love that makes any difference is Christ's for us. He is the only deep that can call our deep.

*This poem is full of Biblical allusions; the title is a direct quiote from Proverbs 14:10. There are many other references to Biblical passages and themes in this (and many other Rossetti poems). I have listed a few touched on in this poem:
-Proverbs 14:10
The heart knoweth his own bitterness; and a stranger doth not intermeddle with his joy.
-Luke 12:48
But he that knew not, and did commit things worthy of stripes, shall be beaten with few stripes. For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required: and to whom men have committed much, of him they will ask the more.
-Haggai 1:6
Ye have sown much, and bring in little; ye eat, but ye have not enough; ye drink, but ye are not filled with drink; ye clothe you, but there is none warm; and he that earneth wages earneth wages to put it into a bag with holes.
-Ezekiel 18:27
Again, when the wicked man turneth away from his wickedness that he hath committed, and doeth that which is lawful and right, he shall save his soul alive.
-Ecclesiastes 2:16 (indeed, the whole book deals with these ideas)
For there is no remembrance of the wise more than of the fool for ever; seeing that which now is in the days to come shall all be forgotten. And how dieth the wise man? as the fool.
-Matthew 16:26
For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?
-Acts 20:35
I have shewed you all things, how that so labouring ye ought to support the weak, and to remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he said, It is more blessed to give than to receive.
-I Samuel 1:15
And Hannah answered and said, No, my lord, I am a woman of a sorrowful spirit: I have drunk neither wine nor strong drink, but have poured out my soul before the LORD.
-Jeremiah 24:7
And I will give them an heart to know me, that I am the LORD: and they shall be my people, and I will be their God: for they shall return unto me with their whole heart.
-Psalm 139:1
O lord, thou hast searched me, and known me.
-Song of Solomon 4:12
A garden inclosed is my sister, my spouse; a spring shut up, a fountain sealed.
-Psalm 42:7
Deep calleth unto deep at the noise of thy waterspouts: all thy waves and thy billows are gone over me.
-Proverbs 13:12
Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life.
-I Corinthians 2:9
But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.
-Mark 10:9
What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

Irresistible Peanut Butter Cookies

All week long I have enjoyed these peanut butter cookies. The recipe was on the inside of a Crisco lard box and my Mom and Grandma decided to try it. There is nothing fancy about this recipe but for some reason I found them really tasty. We ate the last few tonight and I'm trying to convince them to make another batch for the coming week. I'm in a homey mood right now; we just got back from enjoying the ice sculptures and the wintery weather and I have a cup of hot cocoa in my hand (that sounds more homey to me than 'hot chocolate'). I now wish that we hadn't finished the cookies after supper so I could have something to eat too but such is life. I'm too lazy right now to make a batch myself (and I have to get at that Latin homework) so instead I'll write out the recipe, both so that I will not lose it and for the general enjoyment of my vast readership.

IPBCs [see title of post]
3/4 c creamy peanut butter
1/2 c shortening
1 1/4 c packed brown sugar
1 egg
3 Tbsp milk
1 Tbsp vanilla
1 3/4 c all-purpose flour
3/4 tsp baking soda
3/4 tsp salt

Preheat oven to 375 deg F. Cream first six (wet) ingredients in large bowl until smooth. Combine dry ingredients, add to creamed mixture gradually, beating at low speed until thoroughly blended. Drop by tablespoonfuls onto ungreased baking sheets. Press lightly with tines of floured fork. Bake at 375F for 7-8 minutes or until set and just beginning to brown. Cool slightly, then remove to rack.
For variety add chips. Preparation time approximatly 15 minutes, baking time 7-8 minutes. Yield about three dozen cookies.

tasty bits

More advice from The American Woman's Encyclopedia of Home Decorating from the practical to the abstract:

Whatever you do, don't have fancy curtains in your bathroom.

I should like to write a book on nothing but lamps.

...don't forget colour; it's your strongest ally.

[If] you want individuality... have around you the things you like.

Genius can't always glow unless it has a place of its own.

Wind

There is a frostbite warning today from the bitter windchill. But rather than dwell on the cold aspects of it, I shall quote a couple poems that both deal in a similar way with the mystery of the unseen...

Who Has Seen the Wind?
Who has seen the wind?
Neither I nor you;
But when the leaves hang trembling
The wind is passing through.

Who has seen the wind?
Neither you nor I;
But when the trees bow down their heads
The wind is passing by.
-Christina Rossetti

The wind bloweth where it listeth, and thou hearest the sound thereof, but canst not tell whence it cometh, and whither it goeth: so is every one that is born of the Spirit. -John 3:8

Wind on the Hill
No one can tell me,
Nobody knows,
Where the wind comes from,
Where the wind goes.

It's flying from somewhere
As fast as it can,
I couldn't keep up with it,
Not if I ran.

But if I stopped holding
The string of my kite,
It would blow with the wind
For a day and a night.

And then when I found it,
Wherever it blew,
I should know that the wind
Had been going there too.

So then I could tell them
Where the wind goes...
But where the wind comes from
Nobody knows.
-A.A. Milne

O Lord, when Thou didst call me

O Lord, when Thou didst call me, didst Thou know
My heart disheartened through and through,
Still hankering after Egypt full in view
Where cucumbers and melons grow?
--'Yea, I knew,'--

But, Lord, when Thou didst choose me, didst Thou know
How marred I was and withered too,
Nor rose for sweetness nor for virtue rue,
Timid and rash, hasty and slow?
--'Yea, I knew.'--

My Lord, when Thou didst love me, didst Thou know
How weak my efforts were, how few,
Tepid to love and impotent to do,
Envious to reap while slack to sow?
--'Yea, I knew.'--

Good Lord, Who knowest what I cannot know
And dare not know, my false, my true,
My new, my old; Good Lord, arise and do
If loving Thou hast known me so.
--'Yea, I knew.'--
-Christina Rossetti

ruined or improved?

I picked up a book of selected poetry by Christina Rossetti to give to my cousin for her birthday. Being a book (and therefore having nothing lost in the opening thereof), I spent a bit of time looking through it while bussing home from the store. There were quite a few interesting poems about which I had some thoughts that I wanted to share with my cousin so I have decided to underline and write some comments in the book.

This was a strange idea to me at first but the more I think about it, the more I like it. I always enjoy finding books second-hand or, even better, inheriting them with someone else's thoughts on the page. It shows how that person interacted and was moved in some way by the text. Also, I want to share my thoughts with my cousin and yet there is no knowing if we will ever sit down together for the purpose of discussing the poems. And, who knows, perhaps she will notice and remember something I have written or underlined and will mention it at some point. Even if it does not happen at least I have conveyed what I would like to to her. I believe that this makes the book so much more personal.

I now have decided that in future I shall attempt to do the same for all the books that I give away. The idea may lend itself better to some types of books and some types of people than to others (I wouldn't want to do it to a coffeetable book or one given to a type-A personality!) so I shall keep that in mind but I am happy that I was thus inspired in this particular case. And I do believe that I have improved the gift by so doing.

So, to commemorate this inspiration, here is a poem:

A Birthday
My heart is like a singing bird
Whose nest is in a watered shoot;
My heart is like an apple-tree
Whose boughs are bent with thick-set fruit;
My heart is like a rainbow shell
That paddles in a halcyon sea;
My heart is gladder than all these
Because my love is come to me.

Raise me a dias of silk and down;
Hang it with vair and purple dyes;
Carve it in doves and pomegranates,
And peacocks with a hundred eyes;
Work it in gold and silver grapes,
In leaves and silver fleurs-de-lys;
Because the birthday of my life
Is come, my love is come to me.
-Christina Rossetti

And to put the title of the poem in context:
Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God. Nicodemus saith unto him, How can a man be born when he is old? can he enter the second time into his mother's womb, and be born? Jesus answered, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God. That which is born of the flesh is flesh; and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. Marvel not that I said unto thee, Ye must be born again. The wind bloweth where it listeth, and thou hearest the sound thereof, but canst not tell whence it cometh, and whither it goeth: so is every one that is born of the Spirit. -John 3:3-8

His Will

These quotes from Oswald Chambers' My Utmost for His Highest) hit on some ideas I have been thinking about in light of a discussion (I won't say debate) I was part of yesterday:

There is the call of the sea, the call of the mountains, the call of the great ice barriers, but these calls are only heard by the few. The call is the expression of the nature from which it comes, and we can only record the call if the same nature is in us. The call of God is the expression of God's nature, not of our own... my affinities and personal temperament are not considered. (January 16)
The call of God is not a call to any particular service...service is the outcome of what is fitted to my nature... and is the echo of my identification with the nature of God... The Son of God reveals Himself in me, and I serve Him in the ordinary ways of life out of devotion to Him. (January 17)

The greatest competitor of devotion to Jesus is service for Him. It is easier to serve than to be drunk to the dregs. The one aim of the call of God is the satisfaction of God, not a call to do something for Him. We are not sent to battle for God, but to be used by God in His battlings. Are we being more devoted to service than to Jesus Christ? (January 18)

We calculate and estimate, and say that this and that will happen, and we forget to make room for God to come in as He chooses...Do not look for God to come in any particular way, but look for Him. (January 25)

All I do ought to be founded on a perfect oneness with Him, not on a self-willed determination to be godly. (January 28)

The discussion yesterday concerned apathy and our duty to fight against it. Although I agree whole-heartedly that we should strive to fight this tendency (it has been an on-going struggle of mine), I disagreed with the means suggested. It seemed to me that the suggestions were all based on our own strength rather than looking to God for strength. It is good to strive for God, but (as mentioned in the quotes above) it is not our wills that should bear the load. Our own determination and plans will get us nowhere; when we try to fight for God on our own strength we are setting ourselves up for failure. We need to surrender our wills to Him and let Him use us whenever and wherever is best. Yes, we are to make plans but we cannot let our service for God become our highest goal. If we instead set our hopes in His will then if He tells us to change our well-thought out plans, we are more flexible since all is done in obedience to Him.

This is probably quite dis-jointed to read and may not make much sense outside of the context of the discussion but I wanted to write it out!

Ulysses

In class yesterday, we studied Tennyson's Ulysses, my favourite excerpt from which I shall quote here (I especially like the first four lines here):

I am a part of all that I have met;
Yet all experience is an arch wherethrough
Gleams that untravelled world, whose margin fades
For ever and for ever when I move.
How dull it is to pause, to make an end,
To rust unburnished, not to shine in use!
As though to breathe were life. Life piled on life
Were all too little, and of one to me
Little remains: but every hour is saved
From that eternal silence, something more,
A bringer of new things; and vile it were
For some three suns to store and hoard myself,
and this gray spirit yearning in desire
To follow knowledge like a sinking star,
Beyond the utmost bound of human thought.

There is so much in this section (and even more in the rest of the poem) and it is expressed so beautifully and fittingly but I have been thinking of the truth, yet the sadness of these sentiments (especially those in the middle of this section).

Ulysses is, in this poem, an old man who is contemplating one last adventure. He laments the fact that we have a limited time on this earth yet unlimited possibilities of action: "Life piled on life/ Were all too little" yet, as a Christian (although, being human, I can certainly relate in part) since I have a hope of eternity (and not one of "silence") this should not be a problem. We are pilgrims on this earth and although we are to be concerned with the matters of this life, our treasures and goal should be on things above so that when we reach the age where these lamentations are appropriate, we rather yearn for that better place than lament that we cannot spend more time here.

I have many other thoughts on many other aspects of the passage but I think that I shall leave it at that and let my dear readers discern what they will from it.

vanitas vanitatum

I finished Vanity Fair in time for class yesterday. Slogging through all 888 pages was rendered much less a chore than it would seem from the length by the delightful running commentary of the narrator and the truthfulness of the depictions of life found in much of the book. I cannot say that it is a happy book or even that it has a happy ending (even though Amelia and Dobbin are married in the last chapter). On the other hand, it is not a depressing book either (unless one wishes to take it so).

Apparently Thackeray said that his intention was to show how different characters manage to struggle through this Vanity Fair of life without God. It is a fascinating picture, full of human nature. This was the time of the Victorians--a time when conduct and etiquette books were replacing the Bible as moral authority; a time when appearances meant more than truth. But beyond the exposure of these trends for what they are, the book continues to resonate since it is a book on human nature. It is a book about vanity, about ambition, about drawing-room and public politics. Each character in it is flawed in one way or another; it is truly a "Novel Without a Hero" (its subtitle).

This book can be seen in many ways as a parallel to Ecclesiastes: "Vanity of vanities, saith the Preacher, vanity of vanities; all is vanity." -Ecclesiastes 1:2.

But is there any hope to be taken from this book? There is but one character in it who stands against the flow (and she doesn't get much air-time). Lady Jane is true to her faith and is an example of a character who passes through this Vanity Fair of life without getting caught up in it.

The concluding sentences sum up much of the thrust of the book:

Ah! Vanitas Vanitatum! Which of us is happy in this world? Which of us has his desire? or having it, is satisfied?

It is true: we have no hope of being satisfied in acquiring our temporal desires but thankfully we have a hope in the life to come where we shall be satisfied with eternal treasures!

AWEHD hints

Here are a few more lovely extracts from The American Woman's Encyclopedia of Home Decorating:

Decorative theory is the same in all types of rooms. Have essentials of comfort; plan every inch of space to hold conveniently what you really use. Store or throw away what you don't use. Decide to live with charm and have books, pictures, plants about you.

Don't ever overlook having the kind of easy chair a man will like. Decorating is making a home comfortable to live in for a number of people.

Don't treat your dining room like a stepchild.

A fireplace in a dining room is a joy...just as we love sunshine in a dining room in daytime--so a bright crackling fire warms the cockles of the heart (as well as the room) at evening meal.

No matter how large or small the bedroom, if it is to serve its purpose, it must be comfortable for those who use it.

...don't forget colour; it's your strongest ally...

Fire

I find fire facinating. But beyond the physical world, I am finding a facination in the conceptual use of fire in the Bible and how it is both straightforward and complex (as, I would say, are all Biblical concepts).

The word "fire" is used around five hundred times and, putting aside its use in sacrifice, the majority of the times it is used, it is in the context of God's terrible judgement on sinners. Yet, even within that context it is also used to show God's tender mercies to us! How can these two be reconciled? I hope the following three verses help illustrate what I am trying to articulate about the varying degrees that His fire, applied to human life can change it (from destroying to cutting away what is useless to purifying).


As they gather silver, and brass, and iron, and lead, and tin, into the midst of the furnace, to blow the fire upon it, to melt it; so will I gather you in mine anger and in my fury, and I will leave you there, and melt you.
-Ezekiel 22:20

And I will bring the third part through the fire, and will refine them as silver is refined, and will try them as gold is tried: they shall call on my name, and I will hear them: I will say, It is my people: and they shall say, The LORD is my God.
-Zechariah 13:9

That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:
-I Peter 1:7

homey hints

I picked up The American Women's Encyclopedia of Home Decoration while cleaning off a shelf in my room and as I was leafing through the pages before returning it to its place, (yes, this is a necessary step to cleaning a bookshelf) I came across some quaint quotes that also contained wisdom. So although I am nowhere near the stage of owning my own house (that I might decorate it), I thought I might share some principles that can be applied to whatever little piece of floor one might call one's own.

It isn't the money you spend that counts but good assembling of attractive things.

Don't have many small ornaments; they mean work to clean.

It is the idea behind the decorating that counts.

Is there a woman who doesn't want just the right draperies?

A long mirror in a bedroom is a luxury within reach.

Order is the first rule of the closet.

And my favourite:

A place to stretch out in the daytime often saves a "state of nerves".

The Deacon's bench

If you were wondering where the name for this type of furniture originated, read on...

According to my sources, in early American times benches similar to this remake stood before the high pulpit in churches and was, in fact, occupied by a deacon. This deacon was (as the story goes) equipped with a long staff to shepherd the flock in such a way as to awaken any listeners who happened to doze off during the two hour sermons!

A full life

He liveth long who liveth well;
All else is life but flung away;
He liveth longest who can tell
Of true things truly done each day.

Then fill each hour with what will last;
Buy up the moments as they go;
The life above, when this is past,
Is the ripe fruit of life below.
-Horatio Bonar

For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting. And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all men, especially unto them who are of the household of faith.
-Galations 6:8-10

Skating

The following poem describes almost exactly the sensations and feelings I have had numerous times when skating alone outside (the best way to enjoy skating). Today was the first time this year that I have had occasion to lace up my skates again. Although the experience (in a public, indoor arena) was not up to the same standard as outdoor skating, the fun of actually skating again was quite adequate! So to commemorate another season, here is a beautiful poem!

The Skater

My glad feet shod with the glittering steel
I was the god of the winged heel.

The hills in the far white sky were lost;
The world lay still in the wide white frost;

And the woods hung hushed in their long white dream
By the ghostly, glimmering, ice-blue stream.

Here was a pathway, smooth like glass,
Where I and the wandering wind might pass

To the far-off places, drifted deep,
Where Winter's retinue rests in sleep.

I followed the lure, I fled like a bird,
Till the startled hollows awoke and heard

A spinning whisper, a sibilant twang,
As the stroke of the steel on the tense ice rang;

And the wandering wind was left behind
As faster, faster I followed my mind;

Till the blood sang high in my eager brain,
And the joy of my flight was almost pain.

Then I stayed the rush of my eager speed
And silently went as a drifting seed,--

Slowly, furtively, till my eyes
Grew big with the awe of dim surmise,

And the hair of my neck began to creep
At hearing the wilderness talk in sleep.

Shapes in the fir-gloom drifted near.
In the deep of my heart I heard my fear.

And turned and fled, like a soul pursued,
From the white, inviolate solitude.

-Charels G.D. Roberts

Lewis on love

These two quotes are probably my favourite to date and I have meant to post them for quite some time but was waiting to finish and post my condensed version of the third chapter of The Four Loves first (this is from the fourth chapter) but they're so good that, on the one hand, I can wait no longer to post them (who knows how long it will take me) and, on the other hand, if I do end up re-posting them along with the rest of that chapter, people have the opportunity to read it twice (something worth doing!). So here they are, set apart from the rest of the chapter:

There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket--safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all dangers and perterbations of love is Hell.

And, coming in a close second in both merit and location on the page is the following:

We shall draw near to God, not by trying to avoid the sufferings inherent in all loves, but by accepting them and offering them to Him; throwing away all defensive armour. If our hearts need to be broken, and if He chooses this as the way in which they should break, so be it.

Actually, I'll throw in this final one since it follows from these two and is quite good too:

It is probably impossible to love any human being simply "too much". We may love him too much in proportion to our love for God; but it is the smallness of our love for God, not the greatness of our love for the man, that constitutes the inordinacy.
-C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves from the chapter: "Charity"

Carob

My thoughts exactly:

Carob is a brown powder made from the pulverized fruit of a Mediterranean evergreen.
Some consider carob an adequate substitute for chocolate because it has some similar nutrients (calcium, phosphorus), and because it can, when combined with vegetable fat and sugar, be made to approximate the color and consistency of chocolate.

Of course, the same arguments can as persuasively be made in favour of dirt.

In Which Dickens Expounds Generally Upon the Writing Practices of Philosophers

Having had to read through more than one work by a philosopher in the course of my studies, I was delighted to come across this quote from Oliver Twist dealing with the circumloquatious nature that characterizes much of the writing to be found under that subject. Another amusing aspect of this quote is that it is employed to illustrate to the reader the manner in which a couple young pick-pockets exit the scene of a crime and return to their base. As the primary feature of such a retreat must be to evade detection, the parallel is quite enjoyable to those, as mentioned above, forced to read through such rabbit-trails found within the writings of certain venerable philosophers:

If I wanted any further proof of the strictly philosophical nature of the conduct of these young gentlemen in their very delicate predicament, I should at once find it in the fact (also recorded in the foregoing part of this narrative), of their quitting the pursuit, when the general attention was fixed upon Oliver; and making immediately for their home by the shortest possible cut. Although I do not mean to assert that it is usually the practice of renowned and learned sages, to shorten the road to any great conclusion (their course indeed being rather to lengthen the distance, by various circumlocutions and discursive staggerings, like unto those in which drunken men under the pressure of a too mighty flow of ideas, are prone to indulge); still, I do mean to say, and do say distinctly, that it is the invariable practice of many mighty philosophers, in carrying out theories, to evince great wisdom and foresight in providing against every possible contingency which can be supposed at all likely to affect themselves. Thus, to do a great right, you may do a little wrong; and you may take any means which the end to be attained will justify; the amount of the right, or the amount of the wrong, or indeed the distinction between the two, being left entirely to the philosopher concerned, to be settled and determined by his clear, comprehensive, and impartial view of his own partial case.

Pink

It has been a while since I last posted a picture so feel justified in the otherwise content-less nature of this post.
After all, it's so pretty what else can I say?

looking-glass

I have been reading both Vanity Fair and Oliver Twist this past week and came across a passage from each that reinforces some of my thoughts on the issue of how we interact with and percieve the world around us:

The melancholy which had seemed to the sad eyes of the anxious boy to hang, for days past, over every object, beautiful as all were, was dispelled by magic. The dew seemed to sparkle more brightly on the green leaves; the air to rustle among them with a sweeter music; and the sky itself to look more blue and bright. Such is the influence which the condition of our own thoughts, exercises, even over the appearance of external objects. Men who look on nature, and their fellow-men, and cry that all is dark and gloomy, are in the right; but the sombre colours are reflections from their own jaundiced eyes and hearts. The real hues are delicate, and need a clearer vision.
-Dickens from Oliver Twist

All the world used her ill, said this young misanthropist, and we may be pretty certain that persons whom all the world treats ill, deserve entirely the treatment they get. The world is a looking-glass, and gives back to every man the reflection of his own face. Frown at it, and it will in turn look sourly upon you; laugh at it, and with it, and it is a jolly kind companion; and so let all young persons take their choice.
-Thackeray from Vanity Fair

Spurgeon

A friend of mine brought this quote to my attention and I wanted to share it too. Not only is the content of the quote appropriate but the name of the book is a perfect fit here (now I'm interested in finding and reading the rest of this book).

God has not promised to rescue us according to our time schedule. If it appears that your prayers are unanswered, do not dishonor the Lord with unbelief. Waiting in faith is a high form of worship. In some respects, it excels the adoration of the shining ones above.

God delivers His servants in ways that exercise their faith. He would not have them lacking in faith, for faith is the wealth of the heavenly life. He desires that the trial of faith continues until faith grows strong and comes to full assurance. The sycamore fig never ripens into sweetness unless it is bruised; the same is true of faith. Tested believer, God will bring you through, but do not expect Him to bring you through in the way that human reason suggests, for that would not develop your faith.
-Charles Spurgeon Beside Still Waters p. 148

Of Mercy and of Justice

Another of my studies this year has been Shakespeare. The play we are looking at at present is Measure for Measure. It has been an interesting play to study in that it deals with Justice and Mercy.

In the second scene of the second act, Isabella is appealing to the current ruler, Angelo, who has cast Isabella's brother into prison for a crime under a law that had long sat mouldering but which was suddenly revived for the sake of reforming the city. She begs for mercy, he unwaveringly points out the neccessity for justice.

[Isabella] Too late? why, no, I, that do speak a word,
May call it back again. Well believe this,
No ceremony that to great ones 'longs,
Not the King's crown, nor the deputed sword,
...
Become them with one half so good a grace
As mercy does.
If he had been as you and you as he,
You would have slipt like him; but he, like you,
Would not have been so stern.
...
[Angelo] Your brother is a forfeit of the law
...
[Isabella] Alas, alas!
Why, all the souls that were were forfeit once;
And He that might the vantage best have took
Found out the remedy. How would you be,
If He, which is the top of judgement, should
But judge you as you are? O, think on that;
And mercy then will breathe within your lips,
Like man new made.
[Angelo]... It is the law, not I condemn your brother
...
The law hath not been dead, though it hath slept:
Those many had not dared to that evil,
If the first that did the edict infringe
Had answer'd for his deed...
[Isabella] Yet show some pity.
[Angelo] I show it most of all when I show justice;
For then I pity those I do not know,
Which a dismiss'd offence would after gall;
And do him right that, answering one foul wrong,
Lives not to act another...
[Isabella] ... O, it is excellent
To have a giant's strength; but it is tyrannous
To use it like a giant...
Could great men thunder
As Jove himself does, Jove would ne'er be quiet,
For every pelting, petty officer
Would use his heaven for thunder;
Nothing but thunder! Merciful Heaven,
Thou rather with thy sharp and suphurous bolt
Split'st the unwedgedable and gnarled oak
Than the soft myrtle: but man, proud man,
Drest in a little brief authority,
Most ignorant of what he's most assured,
His glassy essence, like an angry ape,
Plays such fantastic tricks before hight heaven
As make the angels weep; who, with our spleens,
Would all themselves laugh mortal.
...
[Angleo] Why do you put these sayings upon me?
[Isabella] Because authority, though it err like others,
Hath yet a kind of medicine in itself,
That skins the vice o' the top. Go to your bosom;
Knock there, and ask your heart what it doth know
That's like my brother's fault; if it confess
A natural guiltiness such as is his,
Let it not sound a thought upon your tongue
Against my brother's life.

It is truly a hard question as to which of the two ought to have more sway over our law system since we are all fallible humans, yet laws are necessary (much as the argument went on before).

But the beautiful thing about God's plan is that both His justice and His mercy are perfectly satisfied in Christ's act of propitiation! He is both the Lawgiver and the loving God we read about in Psalm 103:

He hath not dealt with us after our sins; nor rewarded us according to our iniquities. For as the heaven is high above the earth, so great is his mercy toward them that fear him. As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.
-Psalm 103:10-12

Christ not only took our sins upon Himself and paid for them perfectly, but He gives us His righteousness in exchange! The first is His act of mercy in satisfying justice, the second of grace. We can never praise Him enough; it is no wonder that we will want to glorify and honour Him through all eternity!

VicLit

The way it works out I will be studying Victorian literature in two separate classes this term but I couldn't be happier about it! I love this period of writing--especially since I am a fan of the novel (and more particularly of the Victorian novel). To me, reading a Victorian novel does not constitute work. Yes, they're quite long (being paid per word often does that to writers) but they're so good. I've put the assigned reading for those two classes in the list on the sidebar as well as at the end of this post for all to view with envy. Not only do I get to read these books again (there are only three I havn't read before) but I get to study them in their historical contexts, I get to link them through various ideas and concepts... I'm really looking forward to this aspect of my studies.

I hope to put some of my thoughts and conclusions from those studies in here so hopefully the list will help people to follow along--it's fairly close to the order in which they are to be read (but I really put it there to brag, there's no doubt about that).

Assigned Victorian Novels
Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
Hard Times - Charles Dickens
North and South - Elizabeth Gaskell
Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
Lady Audley's Secret - Mary Elizabeth Braddon
Middlemarch - George Eliot
Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde - R.L. Stevenson
The Picture of Dorian Gray - Oscar Wilde

Not Our Own

From several varying sources in the past few days I have found good quotes that touch on different aspects of our duty to God in particular referring to our duty to offer back that with which we have been blessed.

What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's.
-I Corinthians 6:19,20

Worship is giving God the best that He has given you. Be careful what you do with the best you have. Whenever you get a blessing from God, give it back to Him as a love gift. take time to meditate before God and offer the blessing back to Him in a deliberate act of worship. If you hoard a thing for yourself, it will turn into spiritual dry rot, as the manna did when it was hoarded. God will never let you hold a spiritual thing for yourself, it has to be given back to Him that He may make it a blessing to others.
-Oswald Chambers My Utmost for His Highest, January 6th

The lord of that servant will come in a day when he looketh not for him, and at an hour when he is not aware, and will cut him in sunder, and will appoint him his portion with the unbelievers. And that servant, which knew his lord's will, and prepared not himself, neither did according to his will, shall be beaten with many stripes. But he that knew not, and did commit things worthy of stripes, shall be beaten with few stripes. For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required: and to whom men have committed much, of him they will ask the more.
-Luke 12:46-48

Full of pity view us, stretch Thy scepter to us,
Bid us live that we may give ourselves to Thee:
O faithful Lord and True! stand up for us and do,
Make us lovely, make us new, set us free--
Heart and soul and spirit--to bring all and worship Thee.
-Christina Rosetti Epiphanytide

For thou wilt light my candle: the LORD my God will enlighten my darkness...
It is God that girdeth me with strength, and maketh my way perfect.
-Psalm 18:28,32

Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid.
Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven. Matthew 5:14-16

...Thyself and thy belongings
Are not thine own so proper as to waste
Thyself upon thy virtues, they on thee.
Heaven doth with us as we with torches do,
Not light them for themselves; for if our virtues
Did not go forth of us 'twere all alike
As if we had them not. Spirits are not finely touch'd
But to find issues, nor Nature never lends
The smallest scruple of her excellence
But, like a thrifty goddess, she determines
Herself the glory of a creditor,
Both thanks and use.
-Shakespeare's Measure for Measure

There is that scattereth, and yet increaseth; and there is that witholdeth more than is meet, but it tendeth to poverty.
-Proverbs 11:24

God nowhere tells us to give up things for the sake of giving them up. He tells us to give them up for the sake of the only thing worth having--viz., life with Himself.
-Oswald Chambers My Utmost for His Highest, January 8th

Another hint for the weather

To continue the feeling of my last post here is an exerpt from a second poem that deals with the warmth of a fire contrasted with the cold outside:

extract from:
Snow-Bound: A Winter Idyl
Shut in from all the world without,
We sat the clean-winged hearth about,
Content to let the north-wind roar
In baffled rage at pane and door,
While the red logs before us beat
The frost-line back with tropic heat;
And ever, when a louder blast
Shook beam and rafter as it passed,
The merrier up its roaring draught
The great throat of the chimney laughed:
The house-dog on his paws outspread
Laid to the fire his drowsy head,
The cat's dark silhouette on the wall
A couchant tiger's seemed to fall;
And, for the winter's fireside meet,
Between the andirons' straddling feet,
The mug of cider simmered slow,
The apples sputtered in a row,
And, close at hand, the basket stood
With nuts from brown October's wood.

What matter how the night behaved?
What matter how the north-wind raved?
Blow high, blow low, not all its snow
Could quench our hearth-fire's ruddy glow.
-John Greenleaf Whittier

Singeth the kettle...

Today was a glorious day! The sun shone bright and there was an invigorating breeze with a whiff of melting in it. It feels like a new beginning as I once again begin classes. I generally am a little excited with every fresh start of a semester (this, of course, does not usually last for very long...) but today more than ever when I walked outside between each class and lingered in the square under the trees I sensed the joy of this fresh start on a fresh day.

This day was a wonderful gift and I am enjoying the effortless warmth I experience as a result of this unusually mild spell however, in my mind there's something wrong when I see green grass in January. As much as I enjoy spring weather, there are aspects of winter weather that I also appreciate.

Also, it will take some time and cold weather before the Canal is in any state to be enjoyed (beyond aesthetically) this winter. At this time many enjoyable winter sports are out of the question and there is another aspect to the issue: the loss we have of the comfort of coming inside from the cold. There is nothing quite like the feeling of comfort that comes from being warm and cosy by a fire or wrapped around a steamy mug of some wonderful beverage while the wind rages outside. One can only truly enjoy hot chocolate to the full after being tired out from some romp in the snow and being presented with it upon one's arrival inside to warm up and dry off.

So in this spirit I have a song that may hopefully remind the weather of its proper office or, failing that, may remind us of wonderful times we have enjoyed during years gone by.

A Canadian Folk Song

The doors are shut, the windows fast,
Outside the gust is driving past,
Outside the shivering ivy clings,
While on the hob* the kettle sings.
Margery, Margery, make the tea
Singeth the kettle merrily.

The streams are hushed up where they flowed,
The ponds are frozen along the road,
The cattle are housed in shed and byre
While singeth the kettle on the fire.
Margery, Margery make the tea
Singeth the kettle merrily.

The fisherman on the bay in his boat
Shivers and buttons up his coat;
The traveller stops at the tavern door,
And the kettle answers the chimney's roar.
Margery, Margery, make the tea
Singeth the kettle merrily.

The firelight dances upon the wall,
Footsteps are heard in the outer hall,
And a kiss and a welcome that fill the room,
And the kettle sings in the glimmer and gloom.
Margery, Margery, make the tea
Singeth the kettle merrily.
-William Wilfred Campbell

*One of my material ambitions is one day to have a hob that I might put my kettle there to sing!

Ten-year reunion

at Augustine College
It was good to be able to catch up with what other graduates are doing. It was also good to meet some from other years and compare notes.

The whole weekend was great but my highlight was New Years Day after everyone else had gone home: a few of us lazed the afternoon/evening away consuming countless cups of tea and crunching countless cookies while discussing cabbages and kings. It was a luxury I had forgotten about while away from Augustine. I seem also to have forgotten the copious amounts of work that balanced out the few lazy days but such is the golden glow of memory. I am happy that while things change every year (especially with the student body ever changing), some things remain the same and it is these essentials that mean so much.

So one more resolution to tack on the list will be to spend more time at Augustinian events (and non-events). We'll see how that one pans out once work is factored into the equation but I know that if I put forth any effort in this area I will be richly rewarded so hopefully that is enough incentive to keep this resolution.

time marches on

It has been a week or two since I last sat down to write here. Many little busy things have happened in those two weeks that make them seem longer than a corresponding two weeks extracted from some other portion of the year. I have always thought the two weeks around Christmas to be the most exciting of the year. But they are almost over and the new year is fast approaching.

While pondering Janus' old face and seeing therein all the events and changes it has seen, I often wonder what his new face will view. I know last year I had no inkling of many of the changes that this year brought and can only wait until the time comes to see what this next year will bring. This time gives us an interesting vantage point from which to look upon these matters. Most of the time we get so caught up in the usual round of little distractions and duties that we miss the larger picture but here there is a marker set and each year can be set against the next (or last) in comparison.

Sometimes it can be disconcerting to our human pride to contemplate the way that events are out of our hands but we have the ultimate assurance that the hands that do hold all events are not only the most qualified and just but also compassionate. We know that He is working all things out for His glory and for the good of those who love Him. So whatever changes come into our lives - however unexpected, unlooked for or even unwelcome - we can rest in this hope and joy in the way that His hand is evident in all things.

The Great Life

I underlined almost every line in today's entry in My Utmost for His Highest (perhaps defeating the purpose of underlining in so doing). I take that as a good indication that I have found material to post, so here it is (for the most part):

Whenever a thing becomes difficult in personal experience, we are in danger of blaming God, but it is we who are in the wrong, not God; there is some perversity somewhere that we will not let go. Immediatly we do, everything becomes clear as daylight. As long as we try to serve two ends, ourselves and God, there is perplexity. The attitude must be one of complete reliance on God...difficulty comes in when we want to usurp the authority of the Holy Spirit for our own ends.

Whenever you obey God, His seal is always that of peace...an unfathomable peace, which is not natural, but the peace of Jesus...

My questions come whenever I cease to obey. When I have obeyed God, the problems never come between me and God, they come as probes to keep the mind going on with amazement at the revelation of God. Any problem that comes between God and myself springs out of disobedience; any problem, and there are many, that is along side me while I obey God, increases my ecstatic delight, because I know that my Father knows, and I am going to watch and see how He unravels this thing

The Natural

Another quote from Oswald Chambers (from December 9th of My Utmost for His Highest):

The natural life is not sinful...It is not a question of giving up sin, but of giving up my right to myself, my natural independence and self-assertiveness, and this is where the battle has to be fought. It is the things that are right and noble and good from the natural standpoint that keep us back from God's best. To discern that natural virtues antagonize surrender to God, is to bring our soul into the centre of its greatest battle. Very few of us debate with the sordid and evil and wrong, but we do debate with the good...If we do not resolutely sacrifice the natural, the supernatural can never become natural in us.

Lavender

Before the snow reached my garden...

Lavender's blue, dilly dilly,
Lavender's green
When you are King, dilly dilly,
I shall be Queen

Who told you so, dilly dilly,
Who told you so?
'Twas my own heart, dilly dilly,
That told me so...

Part the second: Friendship

Just under a month ago, I set myself up for defeat by starting a series of long posts on the several chapters in C.S. Lewis' book The Four Loves. However, I am continuing it here and, since I never set myself a time limit, may eventually get all four gleaned of my favourite quotes.

In the chapter on Friendship, C.S. Lewis raises some interesting points. At times I cannot relate to every situation he mentions since it is from the male perspective but most of it is fairly universal truths.

On the topic of whether friendship should be classified as a love at all he notes that "To the Ancients, Friendship seemed the happiest and most fully human of all loves." But in comparison the modern world ignores it. He attributes this to several sources. First he says that "...few value it because few experience it." because it is the least natural of the loves; it is highly possible to go through life without a true taste of it. He says that it is this very "non-natural" quality to it that the Ancients valued (they distrusted the nature of man) and which our age trivialises. He claims that the age of Romanticism and its exaltation of Sentiment is still felt in our world. Within this great tide of emotion Friendship appears colourless.

He also has some good comments in rebuttal of the homosexual theory. It is unfortunate that in our society such an argument is neccessary but he deals with it well. He talks of the subtle ways such accusations worm their way in:

To say that every Friendship is consciously and explicity homosexual would be too obviously false; [they posit]...the less palpable charge that it is really--unconsciously, cryptically...--homosexual. And this, though it cannot be proved, can never of course be refuted. The fact that no positive evidence of homosexuality can be discovered in the behaviour of two friends... [means nothing]: "That", the say gravely, "is just what we should expect." The absence of smoke proves that the fire is very carefully hidden. Yes--if it exists at all. But we must first prove its existence. Otherwise we are arguing like a man who should say "If there were an invisible cat in that chair, the chair would look empty; but the chair does look empty; therefore there is an invisible cat in it."

A belief in invisible cats cannot perhaps be logically disproved, but it tells us a good deal about those who hold it. Those who cannot concieve Friendship as a substantive love but only as a disguise or elabouration of Eros betray the fact that they have never had a Friend.

On a broad historical view it is, of course, not the demonstrative gestures of Friendship among our ancestors but the absence of such gestures in our own society that calls for some explanation. We, not they are out of step.

He makes a distinction between companionship and friendship and says that the first is the springboard to the second and stresses the need for a common object:

The very condition of having Friends is that we should want something else besides Friends. Where the truthful answer to the question Do you see the same truth? would be "I see nothing and I don't care about the truth; I only want a Friend", no Friendship can arise...There would be nothing for the Friendship to be about; and a Friendship must be about something, even if it were only an enthusiasm for dominoes or white mice. Those who have nothing can share nothing; those who are going nowhere can have no fellow travellers.

He then talks of how friendship "is both a possible benefactor and a possible danger to the community." How they are the start of many movements: "The little knots of Friends who turn their backs on the 'World' are those who really transform it." He speaks of what it can mean to society:

Every real Friendship is a sort of secession, even a rebellion... Men who have real Friends are less easy to manage... harder for good Authorities to correct or for bad Authorities to corrupt. Hence if our masters...ever succeed in producing a world where all are Companions and none are Friends, they will have removed certain dangers, and will also have taken from us what is almost our strongest safeguard against complete servitude.
[Friendship] makes good men better and bad men worse.

He talks of some of the bad results in the situation of a debate where he came up against blind resistance to relation on a personal level:

...Behind this, almost certainly, there lies a circle of the Titanic sort--self-dubbed Knights Templar perpetually in arms to defend a critical Baphomet. We--who are they to them--do not exist as persons at all. We are spcimens of various Age Groups, Types, Climates of opinion, or Interests, to be exterminated... They are not, in the ordinary human sense, meeting us at all; they are merely doing a job of work--spraying (I have heard one use the image) insecticide.

Another, perhaps less violent yet still negative, result of the exclusiveness of friendship is the idea of "corporate superiority" which we witness when

...people talk very intimatly and esoterically in order to be overheard. Everyone who is not in the circle must be shown that he is not in it. Indeed the Friendship may be "about" almost nothing except the fact that it excludes.

On a happier, more general note of friendship he says

The mark of perfect Friendship is not that help will be given when the pinch comes (of course it will) but that, having been given, it makes no difference at all.

People who bore one another should meet seldom; people who interest one another, often.

He ends with the truth that, whatever we may think, we do not really choose our friends any more than we do our family:

...we think we have chosen our peers. In reality, a few years' difference in the dates of our births, a few more miles between certain houses, the choice of one University instead of another, posting to different regiments, the accident of a topic being raised or not raised at first meeting--any of the chances might have kept up apart. But, for a Christian, there are, strictly speaking, no chances. A secret Master of the Ceremonies has been at work. Christ who said to the disciples "Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you," can truly say to every group of Christian friends "You have not chose one another but I have chosen you for one another." The Friendship is not a reward for our discrimination and good taste in finding one another out. It is the instrument by which God reveals to each the beauties of all the others... They are, like all beauties, derived from Him, and then, in a good Friendship, increased by Him through the Friendship itself... At this feast it is He who has spread the board and it is He who has chosen the guests. It is He we may dare to hope, who sometimes does, and always should, preside.

"He that searcheth the hearts..."

I don't usually post much about myself but today I was so encouraged by this that I thought I should share and perhaps it will in turn encourage others in their walks.

Several weeks ago, in an effort to discipline myself in prayer, I wrote down a list of things that I was struggling with and areas I could see needed improvement in a little notebook with other prayer requests. I used the list a few times in my prayer time and dutifully said each item in turn but I quickly fell into the bog of habit and rote. I began saying them to get through the list so I could get on with 'my' day. But at the same time I was frustrated that I couldn't seem to put my heart into my prayers.

Not long after that, I went through a situation that drove me to the Lord and forced my heart into my prayers. I found fresh joy in communing with my Saviour and my list (being merely an aid to prayer and no longer neccessary) was forgotten.

This morning I once again picked up the notebook and decided to go through the list after I had finished the rest of my prayer (which consisted mostly of thankfulness for what He has been working in my life). When my eyes fell on the list I realized that every single item on it has been or is being answered by the Lord! During the times when I was merely reciting the list and during the times I had forgotten about it completely, He was faithfully working in my heart and life to answer it!

I know that even with these areas improving so encouragingly in my life at this time I have a long way to go and fresh lists of things for which to ask God's grace. Life is a process of growing and maturing (hopefully!) but I know that He is our Gardener and He is faithfully growing us even when we may slumber and sleep.

Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
Romans 8:26-28

list of laughs

Having finished most of the hard part of the term (and on time too!) I find humour to be a fitting subject for a post. Yes, I took this from an e-mail but some forwards can be humourous. Enjoy!

-A lone amateur built the Ark; a large group of professionals built the Titanic.
-There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
-You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
-Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
-Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
-Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
-If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
-For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
-My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
-Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
-Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.
-Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
-A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

Jane Austen emotional?

You may not believe it if you have a limited perspective of Austen's writing but there is quite a bit of emotion hiding under that understated exterior. And I have several scholars' quotes to back up my assertion:

Though Persuasion moves very quietly, without sobs or screams, in drawing-rooms and country lanes, it is yet among the most emotional novels in our literature.
-Joanne Wilkes
Any red-blood writer can state passions, it takes a genius to suggest them...Persuasion is purely a cry of feeling, and if you miss the feeling, you miss all.
-Julian Kavanagh

So back off all those who call her insipid and find another author to pick on; Jane Austen clearly rules all things pertaining to novels!

Gratitude

Remembering our dependence on past mercies kindles gratitude. Gratitude is past-oriented dependence; faith is future-oriented dependence. Both forms of dependence are humble, self-forgetting, and God-exalting. If we do not believe that we are deeply dependent on God for all we have or hope to have, then the very spring of gratitude and faith runs dry.
-John Piper, A Godward Life

Berries

This particular bush is indistinguishable and unremarkable until all the leaves fall and the berries are left to shine through the cold winter.

passively progressive

It may sound like a new political party but no, this has to do with grammar, not politics.

One change in our language that started somewhere in the Early Modern period (roughly from Shakespeare to the end of the eighteenth century) was the progressive tense formed with verb 'to be' plus the present participle. An example is "I am running". However the passive progressive was still seen as improper; they would favour "while grace is saying" to "while grace is being said". A version of this older usage is preserved in our phrase: "what's cooking?" (rather than "what is being cooked").

A great excerpt from a private letter from 1795 (quoted in my textbook) illustrates in vivid language both this usage and the disgust for it:

[The passive progressive is] like a fellow whose uttermost grinder is being torn out by the roots by a mutton-fisted barber.

(italics to show the usage).

I shall conclude by saying: may you never be like that unfortunate fellow but may you continue successfully to use the passive progressive.

mirrors

I've been cleaning my room this morning (the perennial pre-paper purge) and, among other things long overdue, I finally cleaned off my mirror. This may seem nothing extrodinary until you hear some of the background.

At least two years ago, in an attempt to learn the principle parts of irregular verbs for my Latin class, I wrote an extensive list of them all down my mirror. I had hoped that by putting them always before my eyes (since, of course, I look at my mirror more than anything else...) or at least readily visible I would pick them up faster and with less effort. I still think that it's a good method of memorization (although it would be easier to read on a whiteboard) but have long since passed the point of needing such a reminder. Because I became used to the writing being there I never even noticed it unless some visitor commented on it. But this same writing prevented me from ever cleaning my mirror since I didn't want to wipe it off and not have it anymore or have to rewrite the long list (it had taken me a while to write them all out). So my mirror get dustier and dirtier.

Until today when I ruthlessly wiped it clean. I didn't like to do the deed but I knew it should be done, I knew that I didn't need the list before my eyes anymore and holding on to it would be merely foolish sentimentality.

Now I see how nice it is to have a clean mirror in a clean room. I thnk that this mirror incident is typical of my attitude to many things. I am a packrat and as I accumulate things merely for the reason of keeping them (long after they have served their uses) I blindly wonder why clutter follows me. It would be nice if this lesson were to stick and I would have no more problem in that area but that's not the way life works. I learn a little at a time which can be discouraging at times but I can still hope that someday I'll be a truly ruthless cleaner.

Rootlets: the quest is sidetracked...

While in pursuit of the origins of 'sad', I have dug up some peripheral rootlets and thought I should share:

The literal sense of farce is "stuffing" (could you call a cooked turkey 'farceful' or 'farced'?). This name arose from the practice of 'stuffing' that stuff between the acts of a drama to quiet the audience.

Satire is related to my word. It comes to us through Latin from the *se-tu-ro- IndoEuropean root. Latin satur retains most of *sa-'s meaning with the definition "repleat or sated with food". From this came the phrase satura lanx which referred to a "composite dish". Hence satira began to mean a mixed literary composition especially referring to the 'satires' of Horace and Juvenal.
I'll throw a quote in the mix:

Satire is a kind of glass, wherein beholders do generally discover everybody's face but their own.
-Swift from the preface to Battle of the Books (1697)

If that's the preface, it'd be interesting to read what he says in the book itself.

Also similar to this is the word satyr (insatiable mythical creatures). The source I was referring to says that the origin of this word is unknown. We can speculate that it either came from the same root by natural generation or someone somewhere along the way used the root or similar words to make this word up.

This may not be a novel saying to some but I had never come across it before: the phrase "a sad sack" came into general slang usage during WWII to refer to a maladjusted, blundering, unlucky soldier who was likeable yet always in trouble. Apparently it had been part of 'collegiate slang' during the Thirties but likely underwent the process of specialization and became widespread due to a comic strip by Gerorge Baker.

Having satisfied myself with writing these out, I shall leave you on that sad note that I might return to my studies in life (of the word), liberty (from these rootlets) and the pursuit of sadness.

The Prize Cat

Pure blood domestic, guaranteed,
Soft-mannered, musical in purr,
The ribbon had declared the breed,
Gentility was in the fur.

Such feline culture in the gads
No anger ever arched her back-
What distance since those velvet pads
Departed from the leopard's track!

And when I mused how Time had thinned
The jungle strains within the cells,
How human hands had disciplined
Those prowling optic parallels;


I saw the generations pass
Along the reflex of a spring,
A bird had rustled in the grass,
The tab had caught it on the wing:

Behind the leap so furtive-wild
Was such ignition in the gleam,
I thought an Abyssinian child
Had cried out in the whitethroat's scream.

-E.J. Pratt

hollyhock

A glimpse of the last hollyhock of summer enjoying its day in the sunbefore it gives way to the holly that belongs to a different season!

snippets

More random quotes that I unearthed on my desk:

Loneliness is a reminder to me that God longs for my fellowship even more than I long for the fellowship of others.

True gentleness is founded on a sense of what we owe to Him who made us and to the common nature which we all share. It arises from reflection on our own failings and wants, and from just views of the condition and duty of man. It is a native feeling heightened and improved by principle. -Hugh Blair

Love is the wisdom of the fool and the folley of the wise. -S. Johnson

sunshine

The paper yesterday said that we have had rain fifty-two out of the last seventy-six days. And that excludes days that it has been cloudy without rain. So to brighten things up a bit, here are a brace of bracing pictures to prove that the sun does shine sometime (and it will again) along with some classic lyrics from Annie

The sun will come out tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow there'll be sun! Just thinkin' about tomorrow clears away the cobwebs and the sorrow 'til there's none. When I'm faced with a day that's grey and lonely, I just stick out my chin and grin and say: the sun will come out, tomorrow, so you gotta hang on 'till tomorrow come what may. Tomorrow, tomorrow I love you tomorrow you're always a day away...

I don't want to sound cheesy here (but I can see it coming) this time of cloud and rain is alot like our life here on earth as we wait for the Son to come back. We can let these periods depress us or we can live for the hope of eternity with the Son and let him teach us patience through difficulties.

not a deconstructionist

Of course language is not an infallible guide, but it contains, with all
its defects, a good deal of stored insight and experience. If you begin by flouting it, it has a way of avenging itself later on.
-C.S. Lewis from the Introduction in The Four Loves.

Frying-pan and Fire

My hand is still sore.

Sometimes it seems as though professors get together and plan to put loads of work on students all at once. We can speculate whether this is because they think it's funny (if they have a strange sense of humour), or if they enjoy loading on the work (if they're evil), or perhaps it is to spur the students on to greater things (I guess for the good of the students) and to give them the reward of finishing all the work at once. But no matter if they are conscious of it or not, piles of work tend to pile up around the end of term.

This being close to the end of the term, today I had two midterms in as many classes. These two exams were particularly matched:
both in 1 1/2 hour classes (and 1 1/2 hours apart)
both in full-year credit courses
both in required courses for English majors (so literature exams)
both consisting (almost) exclusively of essay questions
both worth the same percentage of their respective courses

By the end of the second exam (having written furiously for three hours) my hand was cramping but I was fairly elated. One positive thing (as mentioned above) about having both on the same day is that they are both over on the same day and I do not have to head home to study for another exam (at least not for another month or so)!

Instead I have to write papers.

The Horse

A Biblical view:

Hast thou given the horse strength? hast thou clothed his neck with thunder?
Canst thou make him afraid as a grasshopper? the glory of his nostrils is terrible.
He paweth in the valley, and rejoiceth in his strength: he goeth on to meet the armed men.
He mocketh at fear, and is not affrighted; neither turneth he back from the sword.
The quiver rattleth against him, the glittering spear and the shield.
He swalloweth the ground with fierceness and rage: neither believeth he that it is the sound of the trumpet.
He saith among the trumpets, Ha, ha; and he smelleth the battle afar off, the thunder of the captains, and the shouting. Job 39:19-25

But:

Some trust in chariots, and some in horses: but we will remember the name of the LORD our God. Psalm 20:7

He delighteth not in the strength of the horse: he taketh not pleasure in the legs of a man. The LORD taketh pleasure in them that fear him, in those that hope in his mercy. Psalm 147:10,11.

Be ye not as the horse, or as the mule, which have no understanding: whose mouth must be held in with bit and bridle, lest they come near unto thee. Psalm 32:9.

The horse is prepared against the day of battle: but safety is of the LORD. Proverbs 21:31

Label news

Thanks to blogger's update I can, along with other things, apply labels to all my posts. I've come up with a few general topic headings that seem to cover the majority of categories I've covered. This sort of thing holds great appeal to my organizational side so it's an exciting step forward for Still Waters and its Poster. The information from blogger shows other new and exciting options as part of the package but so far this is the only one I'm interested in (and so the only one I've used).

It is my hope, dear Reader, that these updates will enhance your reading pleasure.

-management

Part the first: Affection

I just finished reading Lewis' The Four Loves last night and would like to share a few of the passages I underlined. As an aside, I do realize that I am setting myself up with all these 'first in a series' and 'to be continued' entries for failure of completion but I truly would like to continue these posts and think that by showing my intent openly I might be forced to follow up. Time will tell.

In the chapter titled 'Affection' Lewis describes this love thus:

The especial glory of Affection is that it can unite those who most emphatically, even comically, are not; people who, if they had not found themselves put down by fate in the same household or community, would have had nothing to do with each other. If Affection grows out of this--of course it often does not--their eyes begin to open.

When we reach the point of fondness of others this

means that we are getting beyond our own idiosyncrasies, that we are learning to appreciate goodness or intelligence in themselves, not merely goodness or intelligence flavoured and served to suit our own palate.

He talks of how it is easy to like our friends but that:

The truly wide taste in humanity will similarly find something to appreciate in the cross-section of humanity whom one has met every day.

However, he also points out (as he does with each form of love) that Affection--on its own--is neutral: it can be brought down by sin or raised by God's love. Lewis demonstrates that this is not the view most people hold toward love (I would venture to say that this is probably the result of common grace--that love is experienced or understood by most more often on the good side).

Affection is often assumed to be provided, ready made, by nature...We have a right to expect it. If the others do not give it, they are "unnatural"...

The "built-in" or unmerited character of Affection thus invites a hideous misinterpretation. So does its ease and informality...

the very same conditions of intimacy which make Affection possible also--and no less naturally--make possible a peculiar incurable distaste; a hatred as immemorial, constant, unemphatic, almost at times unconscious, as the corresponding form of love.

He describes courtesy, the outworking of true Affection:

The more intimate the occasion, the less the formalisation; but no therefore the less need of courtesy. On the contrary, affection at its best practices a courtesy which is incomparably more subtle, sensitive and deep than the public kind. In public a ritual would do. At home you must have the reality which that ritual represented...you must really give no kind of preference to yourself; at a party it is enough to conceal the preference...Those who leave their manners behind them when they come home...have no real courtesy even there. They were merely aping those who had.

And finally a few miscellaneous quotes that support his argument yet also stand well on their own (I feel as though I might as well write out the chapter in its entirety or just recommend you read the book yourself since Lewis is much better at representing himself than my mediatory comments and unfortunate gaps could ever hope to do)

-The proper aim of giving is to put the recipient in a state where he no longer needs our gift.
-[All loves carry] in them the seeds of hatred. If Affection is made the absolute sovereign of a human life the seeds will germinate. Love, having become a god, becomes a demon.
-The unappreciativeness of the others...enabled her to feel ill-used, therefore, to have a continual grievance, to enjoy the pleasures of resentment.
-The really surprising thing is not that these insatiable demands made by the unlovable are sometimes made in vain, but that they are so often met.
-Affection will arise and grow strong without demanding any very shining qualities in its objects. If it is given us it will not necessarily be given us on our merits; we may get it with very little trouble.
-Once when I had remarked on the affection quite often found between cat and dog, my friend replied, "Yes. But I bet no dog would ever confess it to the other dogs."
-Affection would not be affection if it was loud and frequently expressed.

And a final quote (I promise) on the world's ideas of normality:

Medicine labours to restore "natural" structure or "normal" function. But greed, egoism, self-deception and self-pity are not unnatural or abnormal in the same sense as astigmatism or a floating kidney. For who, in Heaven's name, would describe as natural or normal the man from whom these failings were wholly absent? "Natural", if you like, in a quite different sense; archnatural, unfallen. We have seen only one such Man. And He was not at all like the psychologist's picture of the integrated, balanced, adjusted, happily married, employed, popular citizen. You can't really be very well "adjusted" to your world if it says you "have a devil" and ends by nailing you up naked to a stake of wood.

Roots: The Story Begins...

In my History of the English Language class (I think it's the only class I've mentioned here yet), our next assignment is to write a boigraphy of an English word. The Indo-European root of this word (according to one source) is *sa- which means 'to satisfy'. From this small seed (with various morphations such as *sa-to-, *sa-ti-, *sa-tu-ro & *sa-d-ro-) come several good English words, many of which preserve the original meaning (sate, satiate, satisfy, saturate).

Some, however, come to us through interesting channels: 'assai' is a musical term from Italian (of course) which means 'very' (as in allegro assai). This comes from the Vulgar Latin ad satis 'to sufficiency' (notice how the 'a' is added to the root by metathesis of juncture). But also stemming from this same Vulgar Latin phrase is our word 'asset'! "How?" you may ask. It came to England in the Angl-Norman times and was combined into 'asez' which became 'asetz' which obviously changed to 'assets' Which held the (I'm assuming legal) meaning of 'sufficient goods to settle Testator's debts or legacies'.

This is all well and good but the word that I am writing about is 'sad'. How is this related to the root meaning 'to satisfy'?! Are they not fairly opposite in meaning? I guess you'll just have to wait and see since this topic is

TO BE CONTINUED... (who would have thought I'd resort to gimmics to keep people coming back?)