Dinner

Oatmeal cereal to start


With raspberries to finish

Changes

We visit James' brother and his family quite frequently (at least a couple times every week). They have been renting a house with about an acre of land and it's been great to have a place that's still quite close but where we can head outside and where the little guy can play with his cousins. Recently, however, they have been looking into buying a place of their own and have just put down a conditional offer on a house further outside of the city. While we are happy for this step and looking forward to visiting them at their new house there is still sadness at the thought of leaving the house they have inhabited for many years. We went for a walk along (and through) a nearby creek with our older nephew over the weekend. This may have been the last of the walks in this creek but apparently the new house has a creek right on the property so I'm sure it won't be the last of our creek walks!

Teeth!

He's had these for a few weeks now but I just haven't got around to putting anything up on here about it. The first two teeth came in at the same time and didn't seem to give him more trouble than one fussy night (or at least didn't give me more trouble than that) but I believe his top ones are starting to rear their heads and he's been fussy and not sleeping well for the past few days so hopefully they poke through before too long. I think these teeth are an adorable addition and make for some really cute faces as he tests out the new feeling in his mouth. Thankfully we haven't had too much trouble with biting yet so over all it's been a positive experience.

When I discovered the first tooth (not having realized it was coming through already) it gave me a pang to think he's already reached another milestone but at the same time I'm so happy he's developing as he should. He's getting to be a big boy already!

Wedding

Our marriage had been postponed several times for various reasons last year so eventually we decided to be married quietly at City Hall and have our celebration with friends this year once things had settled down a bit. It turned out to be six months and a few days from our original wedding day that I finally walked down the aisle. Last Saturday turned out to be perfect in so many ways. It was difficult to plan with so many other things going on but we pulled if off. No, we more than pulled it off: it was everything I could have hoped. The one aspect that I do regret is that with everything going on we never got a chance to get most of the invitations out. I did try to let everyone know by word or over e-mail but it isn't the same as a real invitation. But those who were able to make it made it a wonderful day. As I was saying with one of my bridesmaids, for the amount of joy and fun that came from the day it was the perfect amount of work. I was so happy to see everyone and celebrate with them. Although we were already married we both agree that this was necessary. Anyway it was beautiful and I am so glad we went ahead with it despite the hectic pace it put us through for a while. Oh, one more regret: we never got our own pictures. It looks as though enough friends took pictures but it would be nice not to have to rely on others. But that's what makes life worth living so I guess it's fine too.

Food!

The little guy was weighed at his Doctor's appointment yesterday. We had weighed him at home a few weeks ago and he was just under seventeen pounds. I figured he was around eighteen now so I was surprised to hear he was nineteen-and-a-half! I'm just glad his car-seat is rated to 32lbs rather than the standard 21. He is growing so quickly and is quite interested in food. I had given him some rice cereal several days in a row last week but it looked like he had a tiny rash on his cheeks after eating it once or twice so I decided to leave off for a little while and try again in a bit. This weekend, however, one of my family members gave him some honeydew melon. He made a face at first but then worked away at the chunk until he had reduced it to mush (pretty good for having no teeth yet). They then gave him something else but there was no face this time. The next day I let him hold and try out raw broccoli and cauliflower and he was quite interested in those veggies too (no face this time either even though they have quite the strong flavour). He is definitely aware of what food is and is quite interested watching us eat various things. He also wants to sample our drinks but we still just give him sips of his own water so far. It's been interesting and I'm happy that he's eager to try new things. Hopefully he keeps this attitude throughout life but we'll see.

Through generations

It has been interesting unpacking things that have been packed away for years from when James stored his things at his aunt's place. Porcelain eggs he made and decorated as a child, old photos, and an extensive stamp and coin collection among other things. One of the more interesting discoveries, in my opinion, was a small New Testament/Psalms book inscribed with his father's name (mid last-century) and a confirmation class help and guide book given to his Grandfather in the 1930s. I love books, I love old books and I love the Bible but what makes these particular unassuming old books extra-special in my eyes is the heritage they represent. It has been passed down from generation to generation. I know we have no say ultimately as to how successfully it will be passed down but my hope is that I do my best to keep them going strong.

Less of me

It's true that I have never sought the spotlight but it's amazing how quickly and easily the focus of my life has shifted from my own interests to that of my little guy (and my big guy). I'm now putting myself much more in the background with a lot of things but I really don't mind at all. Who knew dying to self could be this easy? Not to say that it's easy all the time. We still live in a fairly student-oriented part of town and keeping in touch with friends has reminded me about all the fun and freedom I had before last November. But I'm happy where I am right now. I had a great time single, now I'm having a wonderful time as three. Life is great!

And they called it...

Puppy love!



Logan loves dogs and cats. He gets excited when he watches them pass by and then tries to touch them. I've been trying to teach him to pet gently rather than hit (easy enough now when he doesn't have the inclination to hit too much). He will still grab at their fur a little but aside from that is reasonably gentle with animals.

Where I found the latest dust-bunny

Sorry Alison.

I think we've established you shouldn't try for facial hair.

Thunder Thighs

So cute on a baby

Arrrrr

I love eating blankets...

Daddy's mouth

For some reason sometimes when James is playing with the little guy he will purse his lips so we've called it Daddy's look because he only would do it with James. But now he's doing it more frequently (like when I try to see if he's hungry) and I managed to get it on the camera the other day. I think it's really cute even though I have no idea why he's decided to do it.

The Super's Wife

No, that's not the super wife. Wish I were but I'm working on it... It's interesting being the wife of someone like James. Today the water pump that works to heat our building quit so he's been working with the plumber to fix everything. We now have a hole in our ceiling by the hallway but hopefully we'll have heat soon. And James has been making supper on the side while working. I think it works out pretty well. It's amazing just how much James really knows. There are times when I feel he's getting beyond himself about things but then it turns out that he really is an expert. Boo. No, it's really fascinating. I love how there's never a dull moment and always something to learn. It also reminds me of my own childhood with Dad working from home with no external schedules. Ooh, supper's almost ready. Can I call it my Super's super supper? Aw, that would just be silly.

more water

In keeping with the theme of the previous post, the little guy took his first sip of water from a glass today. He was trying to hold the glass himself but then made a hilarious face at his first sip. However, he reached for it again and stuck his tongue out into the water the second time so I don't think it was a bad reception. He splashes so much in his bath that I'm sure it's not the first taste of water he's had but it's possibly the first soap-free.

water water everywhere

Yesterday he was out at 4AM to plow snow and today he's out cleaning up leaking basements. Spring weather. One nice thing (for me) about his heading out so early to plow was that he was back around supper time and we got to spend the evening together. Not the best for his schedule, however. Speaking of leaking basements, though, ours has leaked again. I tried to mop up a bunch yesterday when he was out but it was coming in so steadily that I really only gave the wall a respite while I wrung out towel after towel until the little guy woke up again... On the positive side, the leak is in our bathroom so it's a room already prepared to deal with some extra water. The less-positive side is that it's destroying the wall beneath the window which we had just fixed before moving in here. So now the one room that was pretty much set up the way I liked will now require another overhaul. Oh well. Maybe this whole exercise is teaching me to let go of what I think to be necessary for happiness. I still love my life even though this place is a bit of a wreck. And there's never a dull moment! Wahoo!

baby feet are happy feet

I could just eat them up...

Don't blink

My little guy is growing up so quickly. I am so thankful I can stay at home and spend every minute with him. Everyone says it goes by in a flash and I try constantly to keep this in mind but even despite this mindfulness and a deliberate attempt to cherish each moment, it is going by faster than I would wish at times. This in no way means that I don't want my boy to grow and develop and that I am not excited about each new stage or accomplishment but rather that I'm sad to see some things go.



He now wiggles and tries to creep around when placed on his stomach and is enjoying being upright in the jolly-jumper. I know he'll want to be motoring around before I have time to turn around (or, as I coined the other day: "in three snaps of a onesie"). He's also chewing on everything he can get his hands (and consequently, his mouth) on so perhaps teeth are somewhere around the corner for us too. Life's a blur and so wonderful. It isn't that I question what I did before having a baby but I know I would be at a loss without him now. It can be embarrassing how little attention I tend to pay to anything else. But hopefully this one-track mind can be said to go with baby territory and I don't continue as a clingy, possessive mother when he starts to grow a little more independent. But surely there'll be time to adjust before we get to that point... won't there?

Toes and snows

Yesterday was a snow day around here. Unlike most people's snow days, for us it meant that James had to leave us for a whole day of plowing. He has been away again for much of today. This episode has really reminded me of how blessed we have been this year that so many of the predicted storms never materialized. Aside from small duties a few days a week James has been able to be home with us most of the winter. We have been able to watch together each step as Logan has grown and developed, we have been able to share responsibilities and grow as a family.



Yesterday while his Daddy was away Logan discovered his toes. I quickly grabbed the camera to document this momentous occasion and got some (okay, quite a few) adorable pictures and was able to show them to James when he got back in but I was sad that James had to miss that milestone (however minor). However, as mentioned already, he has been around so much more than we had hoped that I really have little to complain about.



Also it's always interesting to see how things go without the extra help. Logi B and I had a fun, fairly quiet day. He took long naps and I was able to sort things out a bit more in his room and get some of our boxes out of there in preparation of setting up a crib. So far he's sleeping in a bassinet in our room but he's getting too large for it and although I wish he could stay in our room longer we're going to have to move him out. I am excited, however, about setting up his room and already things are coming together. Here's a part-picture of his own little bookcase with his own little books. The bookcase is what you see first when you look down the hall and it's one of those things that makes me happy every time I look at it! Now just over half of the room is also on the list of happy-making sights. We're still living in a bit of chaos but more and more this apartment is becoming the home I love to be in.

Mundane

So my days have been filled with baby boy and unpacking and visiting and occasional trips to help out in the office.

I finally got the last full load of my stuff from my Grandma's basement. It has been six months and an entire life away from the time I packed everything into those boxes and bags. At times when I unpack various objects I greet them as the old friends they are and at times I greet them with the question of why I took the trouble to pack and store them at all. It's been great to have that part of my life finally merging with what my life is now. Especially my books and my pretty kitchen pottery. The place is still a bit of a mess but I spent much of yesterday's afternoon scrubbing the tops of the cupboards in the kitchen and arranging my set of bowls and a few other items up there and I have since then escaped numerous times to the oasis of looking at those bowls and that perfectly completed corner of my abode while completely blinded to the chaos in which I stood. My other favourite pastime is looking at my bookcase. I still have to arrange my books on it--I only put them out in the order in which they were packed (and they were packed according to fit so categorization is out the window at this time). But even though I only have limited time to luxuriate in reading a book I get great pleasure in looking at the books I have. They remind me of many happy hours spent in their company and give tantalizing promises of many more to come. They not only do these things, however, I also find to my surprise that they tend to give me the hope that the literate side of my brain has not been wholly swallowed up on baby babble. Not to say I want to put away my childish things quite yet but I live in the hope that these two side of my life do not have to be incompatible. Not even that I hope to introduce my dear boy to this love of my life but I want it to continue to be a part of my life. I want to have something to say when conversing with friends beyond regaling them with the minutiae (however interesting) of life with baby. to put it simply: as our literary discussions often included their fair share on the topic of poop so I hope my poop discussions will include their fair share on topics literatae. A balance is all I seek. Is that too much to ask?

Furniture

We just got a futon bringing our living room comfortable seating number up to five (or a bit squishy six). Things are certainly shaping up here. I keep thinking we've been living in a messy place for quite some time but it's just coming up to two months. Also there really isn't much room for storage so everything is out until we find (or make) a place for it. It's getting there. Definitely not all the way yet but most steps are in positive directions. At least now I don't feel badly when we have people over. Talking to a friend who has been meaning to visit but hasn't been able to yet I just assure her that it's not a problem and that the longer the visit is put off the nicer our place will be...

The little guy is napping on the armchair beside me and just laughed in his sleep. When you're that small, almost everything you do is SO cute. It's a crazy feeling. I'm trying to make myself lay him down sometimes when he's sleeping during the day and at times before he falls asleep so he learns how to put himself to sleep. It's harder than it looks. I often wonder if it's the parents or the kids that are the bigger culprits when the clingy-ness becomes a problem later on. Will there come a time when I don't want to hold him any more? Okay, I have reached that point when he has been fussy for several hours and will not sleep but it has more to do with being tired of the fussiness--I probably wouldn't have a problem with still holding him afterwards. I think it's true that parenthood is just another word for crazy. Crazy good and just plain crazy. I remember a time when my mind wasn't completely filled with the magnificent mundane. Baby brain. Is it a bad thing, though?

Two months

I can't believe it's been over two months already. People always say it goes quickly but it really does.
It also feels as though I'll always remember every detail of what is going on but I know that from week to week I can forget so I want to write down some of my favourite things.
Logi-bear is getting so chunky and growing so much. I can't believe how much of his clothes he's outgrown already (not that he doesn't have an inordinate amount of outfits to grow into still).
I love how when he wakes and I pick him up he does a superman stretch in the air.
I love how his voice is all muffled or scrunchy sounding when he first wakes.
I love how I can't wait to pick him up even if I had been more than happy to put him down for the nap. Sometime I have to stop myself from waking him up so I can pick him up.
I love how he looks in little boy clothes (pants, overalls etc) but I'm really sad he's not wearing sleepers all the time any more.
I love how he holds my hand (finger) when we go for rides in the truck.
I love how he talks to his monkey and his Papa Smurf.
I love how he loves his daddy.
I love his little coos, squeaks, squeals, and attempts at saying "hi".
I love how he can be so polite sometimes in informing us when he's waiting to be fed by doing his hungry dance.
I LOVE his grin.
I love when he gets mad and his "mmmaaaa" cry.
I love how his eyebrows go white and his face goes red before he cries.
I love how he snuggles under my chin or on my shoulder.
I love how he sucks his fist when he goes to bed.
I love how he tries to stand up and look around.
I love his little face to pieces.
I even love how he interrupts everything I try to start doing (including this blog post).
So although the list goes on quite a bit, I'm going to have to leave it at that for now!

Shelves in the closet? Happy thought indeed.

Our apartment is messy. Most of this is because we really haven't finished setting it up and part of it is because there aren't that many places to put things away yet. But thankfully it feels like home. Despite the chaos that has followed me for the past half year I have managed to live in places that always, for some reason or another, felt like home. So it has not been completely overwhelming. The best part about this most recent chaos is that I can see how it will end (or at least lessen quite a bit). James has been building us bookshelves (YAY!). They are not the most highly finished shelves but they are sturdy, have lots of shelf space and are much cheaper in the end than anything (wooden or not) that we could buy. Along with the bookshelves he has been creating storage shelves, has started on bedside tables, built access steps to our back window-well (we call it our back door) and has been planning how he wants to make our bedframe. So far we have one of those metal frames with no head- or foot- board which is fine but it will be nice to have a full frame--especially one he planned and made himself. I wonder what it is about making one's own bed that seems to resonate through the years. When mom heard James was making it she mentioned that Dad had always wanted to make their bedframe but she always told him it wasn't necessary. She is sorry now that he didn't have the chance. Going even further back it reminds me of Odysseus and Penelope and I know I've encountered it frequently-enough in literature post-dating that. And now it's touching my life. It's interesting how sometimes I find myself feeling a certain way simply because I know I'm entering into some custom I have read about. To quote (loosely) from the classic movie You've Got Mail: "So many things remind me of something I've read in a book when shouldn't it be the other way around?" Does doing typical adult things or entering into adult customs actually make one an adult or do we simply feel that way because we know they are things adults do?

Well I've really strayed from the origin of this train of thought and don't really think I have made my path (or point) clear but I think I shall leave it as evidence of how I have lost at least part of my logical powers post-baby.

new things

I've been busy but this is why! Can you blame me?

Blue

As many of my friends are aware, my favourite colour is yellow. That doesn't stop me, however, from really appreciating all the little blue pieces I've been receiving in the past little while. I have been really blessed with all the things that people have been giving me and all the love they have been showing through and aside from that. It's strange because looking at the little outfits definitely makes me more excited about the coming event. Not that I wasn't excited earlier but it seems more immediate and real now.

And the good news is, enough of my friends are aware that I love yellow that I still have managed to bag quite a few great yellow items too!

Road trip

There are so many things going on and so many that I would like to write about but almost because of that I don't know where to start and haven't been writing. We took a journey up north to my great-aunt's farm and had a wonderful weekend despite the reason for our trip (another great-aunt's funeral). The company was among the best and the weather meant that frequent walks were part of the itinerary. I've never been up to the farm when it hasn't been summertime that I can remember (family reunions are the main reason I've been in the past) so it was interesting to be there during a different season.

Here are a few of the subjects or scenes taken from various of our walks:

Forgive and Forget

It's funny how memory works differently for different people. I had someone tell me today that he has a really tough time forgetting injustices or wrongs or even irritations that he has experienced and that these things take up a lot of energy and he would like to be rid of them but they stick around for years. I listened and tried to sympathise but could not understand as fully as I wished in order to enter into the feeling and help bear it. I have felt injustice in the past and there are a few painful moments in my life that still pop up every once in a while in my memory but for the most part I tend to forget much of the pain in the past and simply retain a general picture of happiness. I believe most people tend towards this pattern of memory retention. But I wonder which extreme is better? Or can one be said to be better than the other in this case? I believe my way of enjoying and living in the moment bearing mostly happy memories feeds into my joy and makes me enjoy life even more. It also seems to line up with the wisdom in the adage 'forgive and forget'. But while thinking these happy thoughts about my happy state to myself I suddenly wondered whether I truly, in cases of interpersonal conflict etc, did forgive the other person before I forgot about how they had 'wronged' me. Or maybe I just forgot so I didn't have to forgive. "Oh, don't worry about it" or "forget about it" are things I often say when someone asks forgiveness and I truly mean that I am not holding on to a grudge or the pain but is this really enough? I am not one to put much stake in a formula. I don't think that saying the words "I forgive you" means anything more than other words or actions to express the same forgiving heart. I also try to avoid the pitfall of letting the words mask a contrary heart. But maybe by avoiding the cliché I have also thrown the baby out. Maybe I am not putting in the effort needed truly to forgive someone (even when they themselves ask me to!) but rather avoiding the whole interaction by masking it with other words. I really do think that I tend to forget so that I do not have to forgive but there is much wisdom in the wording of that phrase. Only once forgiveness has taken place is it safe to forget. I'm going to try to remember this.

MA

I have printed off my last two papers, am waiting to see when I can drop them off and have just applied to graduate! Wahoo!

busy bee

It's been so long since I last wrote that I almost forgot where to go to find my blog. I think I may safely say that this week is the busiest, or at least has the most going on activity- and emotionally-wise that I have ever experienced so far. When I start to feel guilty about going on here rather than digging into that list of things to do, though, I realize that maybe it is important to sit down and process a little first.

It hasn't had any air-time in these pages yet but I am one week away from finishing all my work for my MA in English. I'm glad it's almost done because I have been so busy and occupied with other things the past little while but at the same time I will certainly miss being in school. I don't have plans for any further formal education in the near future and I know I am going to miss it sorely.

Another sad ending that I can hardly see through the work it'll take to get there is that we have to be moved out of the college building by the end of this week. Do you have any idea how much stuff [junk] can be stored in a building that had students living here a year at a time and leaving behind various unwanted items as they packed to leave? Or even how many things get accumulated by the college itself that it will no longer need (or at least not worthwhile enough to keep during a complicated move... if it's needed at the other end it can be purchased at that point). Do you have any idea how complicated the decision process is around all these items when each is to be evaluated and discerned where it should go? Ahh! I can't wait until it's done but once it is done that will be the end of the Blackburn experience for us all. I do actually love this building although I know it's time to move on. It will be a hard transition.

On top of all this are plans for the future (which I'm hoping to be able to push back to next week to deal with... 'can I pencil you in for next Wedneday?') and people waiting to hear the results of those plans.

Then my Gma, with whom I lived for all my undergrad years, has just suffered a stroke. This has been a shock to all, I believe, especially because prior to this she has maintained wonderful health and was a few days away from a road trip down to Omaha (to give an indication of her life and adventurous spirit). It's been a hard week and a half for all concerned and if there are any out there who still read this I would certainly ask for prayers during this whole ordeal.

I don't know exactly why I am writing this post but I felt like updating again so that's my life at this point in a nutshell. I am beginning to believe that everyone is right when they say that life never slows down, it only speeds up. That's definitely been my experience so far!

INFJ

Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Judging. Apparently that's my personality type. As far as personality tests go, I do feels it's fairly accurate. Also interesting is that this type makes up the smallest percentage of the population in America. I would like to see what the percentage is like compared to the rest of the world, however.

Smile

When I got home the other day this was all that was left from a bowl of cherries.
I know I often see faces in various things that others think of as a bit of a stretch but this time I had to take a picture. I love the crooked smile.

lovely

Because the majority of my contact with these flowers is on the thorn side of things, they are among my least favourite flowers. But I can agree that they do look lovely.

update

So after daily sending in my resume to different potential jobs, taking personality tests as a result, sitting through various styles of interviews, explaining that I am a quick learner but no, I didn't have French... I caved and sent a short message to a landscaping company this Tuesday afternoon and I was working Wednesday morning. There are aspects of the landscaping culture that I appreciate. I can survive and even thrive in a world where they care more about seeing how you work than interviewing and looking at a limited list of your accomplishments/deeds. Thinking about it, all the jobs that I have held I have not had to have even one interview. I have always been hired before even meeting my bosses. I feel much more comfortable being able to get to work and show how I can adjust and work well rather than try to be assertive and tell people that I am a hard-worker. Because even if it is true, I find that as soon as I am forced to toot my own horn either I am not forward enough and downplay myself too much or I feel as though I am lying about my abilities. Either way I'm sure I don't come across very well.

Anyway, yes I am back at landscaping. I am enjoying being outside and working with plants to the same extent as I did in my last job but unfortunately (as I suspected) it is not even to be compared to my last job on any other front. Thankfully the people with whom I work are all friendly so far but nothing like the fellowship I had with Marc and Chris and Jan will be found. I remember always being happy when Marc would repeat how we won't cut grass but there's more to it than avoiding a boring job--this crew cuts grass and are grass cutters. Everyone else who worked with Marc (me excluded) had at least a horticulture diploma (and often other forms of education) whereas here the expert on the horticulture aspect of things apparently sat in on a few classes but doesn't have his diploma. He knows what he's doing and I don't want to be snooty and say people need to have degrees before I'll speak to them but there often is an attitude that comes with education and a love of learning that I forgot was not possessed by all and sundry. Thankfully, however, I can come back home at night and will be sure to be refreshed in a congenial atmosphere. That is, if I can stay awake enough to soak it in at all...

Roses

I was sitting outside reading this afternoon and the first sign I had that the roses were finally blooming was the scent wafting over the breeze to me.




I haven't taken pictures recently. Unfortunately this weekend (the first I've made it home in a while) I forgot to bring my camera. This is particularly unfortunate because the gardens are at their peak in many ways at our house this time of year. The lupins in particular are spectacular (an adjective not always applied to our gardens) right now and I am sorry not to have caught them on film. But we must work with what we have and so I have taken a few pictures of the roses in the garden here in Ottawa.

fading to yellow

Confessions

When I finished reading James Hogg's Confessions of a Justified Sinner I decided that I should read Thomas De Quincey's Confessions of an English Opium Eater to follow a bit of a theme and perhaps compare the two (a friend suggested that I should perhaps read the shopaholic confessions also but we'll see about that). Of course there are differences: De Quincey's confessions are autobiographical while Hogg's twist from one narration of supernatural events to another also De Quincey seeks to explain how he turned to the wrong while the protagonist (if he may be called that) in Hogg's book will at no time admit himself to be anything but righteous. In fact it may turn out to be easier to list similarities than differences between these two books.

What I found and find most difficult within the reading process itself about these two books is their lack of chapters or chapter-like divisions within the texts. The Justified Sinner has breaks at each new narrative but they are far enough apart that it gives no real sense of being able to stop at a good point, while the writing and subject matter do not hold up well to prolonged reading sessions (unless one wishes to get it over quickly).

I have read almost through half of the Opium Eater and have just stopped at a small break--the only one of which I can remember having encountered. But beyond this annoyance, I have been enjoying De Quincey's narrative immensely. It seems at times more a collection of essays centred around and inspired by a life's narrative than a biography. At this point, however, I am thoroughly satisfied with it. I have come thus far and he has eaten not a drop of opium yet so perhaps the book takes a turn to the gloomy side soon.

He originally wrote his Confessions in 1821 and subsequently, by 1856, published a revised version. I am reading the revised version and have been interested by the several remarks he inserts on the subject of his revisions and his various statements on the nature of narrative and truth. He uses footnotes extensively (sometimes a footnote will take up almost an entire page itself) and although they can distract from the central narrative, I have never really found them to detract from it. His style, as I mentioned when speaking of the collection of essays, is disjointed at most times so I sometimes question if there is a purpose to putting some of the asides into footnote form while leaving others in the text itself. It would be interesting to look into further. I also would like to read the original and compare the two because he speaks of how he has changed some things, put some thing in that weren't there previously and so on. It has been a fascinating read so far and I shall try to write more on it if other thoughts worthy of recording come up while reading the rest of the book.

I found I have written little about Hogg's book but that might be because I have read several other books in the intervening time and it is not fresh in my memory. Also I have already had the privilege of discussing it because it was read as part of a book club so I don't feel the need to get my thoughts on it out at this point. In any case I can still outline briefly the things that I found I liked about it. I found the aspects I found most interesting in reading Justified Sinner also had to do with its conscious production of the crafting of the narrative. I am interested in the way that there were so many stories and frame stories and various points of view within the book and I would like to puzzle a bit more over why the author employed this means of telling the story. Also I found it quite interesting that the author placed himself (or a version of himself) in a limited and a discounted role within the story.

Anyway I was not put off from my Calvanistic and Scottish tendencies and heritage by the reading of an account of how such things can go too far (into the realm of antinomianism and perhaps even beyond...) but I shall take it as a warning and call to seek to live a balanced life. That may be one of the hardest things we are called to do in this life but we must try for it nonetheless.

I did not get much enjoyment from the reading of the text, however, and found most of the time that I was reading merely to finish it but I am happy that I have read it and come to the point where I can focus on certain aspects of it while not having to have the less-savoury bits still on my tongue.

coming up for air

so after a week of feeding and cleaning up after a pile of doctors they have all gone home. I'm feeling relieved but also saddened by the sudden quiet. Now life must resume where I dropped it or rather where I dropped it along with the accumulation of a week or two of things I have ignored or put on hold while busy. I have also been blown away by hearing a friend play piano at a high level of skill and have come down and made the decision that instead of giving up without a hope of ever attaining such a level, I should instead practice more. As much as it is easier to say with Lady Catherine "If I had ever learned I should have been a true proficient" it is better to have tried. And thankfully he'll likely never hear me play so there isn't much fear of comparison there.
I've also been thinking about bigger issues and themes deriving from the conference itself and from various books I have been perusing but at this moment while I am still recovering I just want to write a short post about very little so please forgive me for being shallow this once.

cop out

I am currently listening to a recording of the piano transcription of the second movement from Beethoven's seventh Symphony. I have the scores for Liszt's transcriptions of all of Beethoven's symphonies but have only recently jumped into a serious attempt to play them. I've fairly easily figured out the famous first movement of the fifth (it's most recognizable and probably among the easier movements to play technically speaking from my narrow viewpoint) but have had a little trouble with the second theme in this particular movement. The way the notes are printed give it a strange looking timing so I wasn't sure how to play it by sight and couldn't remember how it went by ear so I caved and am listening to it with the score before me. I feel slightly guilty about this in much the same way that I feel slightly guilty that I don't always push myself to try doing a fairly easy puzzle without looking at the picture. I'm sure if I exerted myself even a little bit I would be able to do it just fine but things are sometimes just easier when there is an easy out at hand. I could work the timing out on this piece and come up with the same result but perhaps life isn't always about how much one can challenge oneself. Perhaps there is something to be said to enjoying listening to a recording and perhaps even having my own playing of the piece improve both in the timing department and in that of dynamics, for example. Maybe I am trying to justify my laziness (I know I have my fair share of it and it doesn't need to get away with as much as it generally does) but maybe this is an area I don't really have to worry that much about. I don't think I'll ever really get over that slightly guilty feeling, though. Oh well.

Western fun

I just got back from a trip out west and of all the aspects I could record or muse over I think I shall merely post a picture of one of the fridge poems I wrote out there.

Bushels of beautiful biscotti

M has been making biscotti for her cousin's wedding and, as sometimes happens when she bakes, I spent some time taking pictures of the finished product (or at least what has been finished so far--I believe more batches shall be made tomorrow but I shan't be here). I think we should start an online baking business where she bakes, I take pictures and then we ship the product out. It's fun to think about in any case. Here are some of the myriad of pictures from this batch.

before they drop

There is a beautiful mature Magnolia in the backyard here at the College. I have been looking forward to living here while it bloomed this year and at last the buds have finally opened up and look gorgeous. Yet I am leaving tomorrow for the rest of the week and likely only have a small window of opportunity to enjoy this tree before all the petals drop. So, instead of mourning fate, I have taken a few pictures of the tree this afternoon and will post some of them here.




I am happy that I have not missed the blooms entirely and that it is such a beautiful day today to enjoy them. And now I think I shall get off this computer and get outside to do just that.

the eye

Even though this is regularly a transitional part of the year for me, the transitions this year seem to have affected me more than usual. Perhaps it has hit me harder because this time it is the people and things around me that seem to be changing more than me. I am not graduating, I am not moving from the routine of studies to the routine of summer, I am not moving anywhere; yet on every side, my community and friends are swirling madly while I stand in the centre, hoping for things to settle soon. It is a strange vantage point and I believe I am beginning to understand (or at least come to acknowledge) part of the sorrows a mother experiences as she is less and less able to accompany her children through all the changes of live.

People in general believe themselves to be the hero of their own stories until life comes along and--bit by bit--shaves away their pride and shows them their proper places. Perhaps there are some who play main roles but I am finding, more and more that my place is likely in the chorus. I've been reading a couple books lately in which the idea of the importance of the main character is discussed. In both it becomes evident (and, interestingly--along the lines of self-awareness and all that jazz--is fairly blatantly claimed) that the point of the book is not an exploration of the central character but of the extraordinary events that occur around him. It is true that in many cases narrators are utilized not for any outstanding merit or talents within them but rather for their being at the right place and time to observe events. This device is common and doesn't topple our idea of the importance of the central character unless it comes out that this narrator is the central character and is still of no importance. It is a fascinating possibility. I am not saying by this that I consider my life to be of no importance but rather that my importance more and more does not seem to lie in playing the central starring role. I think I'm getting better at appreciating that. In the mean time I suppose I shall just have to try to help my friends as best I can while they go through their various and sundry transitions. I'm thankful I have this opportunity.

dry skin

(from a garlic clove)

further studies

After going through a time when my future was--for the most part--up in the air, I have finally heard that I am accepted at Carleton to do my MA in English lit. It's a little strange because I tend to set my expectations low in order either not to be disappointed or to be pleasantly surprised but this time I had really convinced myself that it wasn't going to work out. It was good to have gone that far because I meant that I started looking at other options but it made finding out a huge surprise and readjustment of thinking of the future. This whole situation also makes my summer plans easier so hopefully they shall fall into place more readily now that I know something for certain.

Life is funny. Last night I was telling someone of my lack of plans for the future at the same time that the acceptance e-mail was sitting in my junk folder (yes, Yahoo doesn't seem to think it important enough to send to my inbox). It gives a different perspective on life and our expectations of what we know of the future and how things actually will work.

abuckabook

The other night I went out to pick up a few groceries for the College and 'happened' to stop at the one-dollar book table outside the bookstore conveniently located across the intersection from the grocery store. Four dollars and four books later, I went for groceries.

Today a few of us went on an adventure across town in search of one-dollar books and I came back with a sufficiently larger pile (to make up for the greater inconvenience of bussing out to Nepean and back).

Does anyone have a one-dollar bookshelf that I can have on which to store these books? I'm running out of room.

watch the flowers grow

We're having another bout of beautiful weather and yesterday morning I was able to clean up the back yard (I cleaned the front last Friday) and edge all the beds, prune/trim some of the trees and bushes and generally make the place a bit more spiffy all-round. The tulips, daffodills and crocuses are all popping up and look as though they will be blooming soon.

I can't tell you how delighted I was to be able to do yard work again! It made me think that perhaps landscaping should be more than just a stepping-stone to better things... Anyway, one consolation is that no matter what job I end up with whenever I get around to growing up, I should always be able to garden at least on the side.

Patience

I'm off in a bit to an interview with the govt. It will be strange because I know I won't hear anything more for ages (that is, providing it goes well). This whole process began in October and I feel as though I'm no more than halfway through the steps it takes. I have a theory that the actual test for whether or not someone is suitable for the job is not the interviews themselves but rather the wait between times; if one is able patiently to endure the extreme lag and stick with things, then one might be able to function within the governemental system.
Well I have nothing to lose by waiting so we'll see if my theory holds.

Simply Good

It's April

One of the ways we celebrated this foolish day.